Jordyn

GO AND LISTEN!

2008-07-30T10:10:00.002-04:00

It's been ages since I've posted....again, nothing much to say. Passed 20 and 21 months LID -- still a teensy bit closer to my little one, but can't really feel it. It's still YEARS away, which is discouraging, but life goes on and is pretty damn good at the moment.
I have great friends, a great place to live, and another 4 weeks until school begins - what could be better?

I know what could be better!! Going to the CBC Hockey Anthem Challenge and listening to my best friend's composition -- it's awesome!!! I'm not sure if there's a way to 'vote' yet, but if there is, please do it, and encourage others to as well....I think this piece of music might just make history!!

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19

2008-05-25T22:06:00.002-04:00

Still here. Still counting. Almost out of my 'teens'. If my LID was a person, she could legally drink in Ontario.
So....cosmos for everyone!! Only one for me, though. Must keep my wits about me for the next ????? months until Jordyn finally comes home.

Mother's Day is Not for Me

2008-05-11T20:17:00.003-04:00

I don't like Mother's Day. There. I said it. It's not my day....yet. There's always a feeling of dread. How many more of these will I have to go through until it's my turn? I know it's a 'made up' holiday, a Hallmarkian money grabber, but still. I had my second miscarriage a month before Mother's Day in 2000, and I hated having to still be nice to my mom on that day. I wanted to crawl up in my bed and stay under the covers. I wasn't ready to celebrate my mother that day, because I had so recently lost my child, and my second chance to be someone's mother. (sorry Mom....but you probably understand).

Today I read something I like. It's from someone else's blog, but I can't remember whose (a sure sign that I read too many!) If this is from your blog -- thanks.

This is me, and so many of us:

A Waiting Mother is a mother of a truly special nature.
She waits for her children, day after day, with a tenacity that sometimes defies logic.
She waits for her children, because she knows they are coming, somehow, someway.
She waits for her children, because she has no choice, her destiny is to be their mother.
A Waiting Mother is no less a mother, simply because her children are not here.
She carries her children in her heart, and A Waiting Mother knows, it will only be a matter of time until she carries them in her arms.

Maybe one day.....

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Age of Majority?

2008-04-27T17:50:00.002-04:00

I've reached the LID age of majority (in my province)!! Only another 18-24 to go? That's the hope, anyway.

In the meantime, I'm almost finished with my homestudy update. I have to wait until mid-May, because it took that long to get an appointment with my doctor for my physical. I had to get more blood work, etc, and it takes awhile to get results in. I'll be really happy when it's all done and the Ontario Ministry, in all of its wisdom, approves me again.

I hope all is well with everyone in Blogland -- not much else to report!! Waiting for the school year to end...all fellow teachers will be right there with me!

Happy K1 Day!

2008-04-04T13:25:00.002-04:00

An undisclosed number of years ago, a very special girl was born. She's now an awesome woman, who I wish I got to see more often. Go and wish our friend K1 a very merry birthday!

Phew!

2008-03-30T20:42:00.002-04:00

I had my update with the new Social Worker on Friday and it all went very well. She was really nice, and put me at ease right away. She liked my apartment, liked the baby's room and crib and was generally very encouraging. For the first time with someone "official" in this process, I feel like I have an ally in this mess. While I liked my former SW, my contact with him was sporadic, and really, I haven't talked to him since my homestudy was completed 2 years ago. (Other than to 'break up' with him, that is...) This new SW seems to really value her work in helping to create families and has sent me some recommended reading, as promised. She's basically saying, "Don't stress, it'll all work out".

Nice to hear....I hope she's right.

Happy 17

2008-03-26T19:13:00.002-04:00

Well....the monthly post is here. Not even sure why I'm bothering to keep the blog up. I have really nothing to say, or if I do, I'm being too lazy to say it. I'm at 17 months, and I still have at least 24 more months to go....seems a bit ridiculous to keep counting, but I'm compelled to do it.

There is stuff happening. On Friday I have a meeting with my new Social Worker to do my homestudy update. My documents have expired, and my province, in their idiotic wisdom (nope, not bitter) has decided that we need to have things updated. This involves a visit from the SW, updated medicals and police checks and new reference letters. This is all likely no problem, but still causes stress. I have to ask my friends and family to redo the letters that they so kindly wrote 2 years ago. I'm sure they'll say the exact same things, because after all, I'm still the same person and they still support my adoption.

Why a new Social Worker, you may ask? My original guy, who I liked, wanted to charge me $1400.00 for this update. Ridiculous, considering that the original one cost $2000.00. I'm also going to have to do another update after this one expires, as there's no way that I'll get a referral before that happens. If I let the original SW do this, it'd add another almost $3000.00 to my adoption costs. I found another SW who is charging $400.00, which seems a much more reasonable price for a service which doesn't really involve that much work.

This is all insanely frustrating, and frankly, quite humiliating. I've already been approved by my province to adopt. Nothing has changed, yet they need to put me through this scrutiny again. Ah...if only I was a 16 year old crack addict....they'd do everything they could to make sure my child stayed with me, instead of encouraging an appropriate adoption placement with a healthy family. Isn't it an interesting world?

Sweet 16

2008-02-26T09:32:00.002-05:00

It's 16 months today....nothing really new to report except that my adoption documents are expiring early next month, and I have to get an updated homestudy. No problem. This involves having my social worker do another home visit, updated medical report, updated local police report and recontacting my references. Mind you, none of this information goes to China. It all stays here in Ontario, where presumably in 2 years, when the new documents expire, I'll get to do it all again, as I won't be getting a referral for at least another 2.5 - 3 years. Can we all say 'CASH GRAB' boys and girls???
Nope, not bitter.

Big Wow

2008-01-26T08:48:00.001-05:00

15 down. Still trying to be positive, but it's sure not easy. There seems to be no end in sight. I'm thinking of getting back on the 'Fertility A Train', because, what the hell? Might as well, while I'm waiting for Jordyn. If only the Fertility Train was a pleasant ride, instead of a nightmareish roller coaster. Stop it, Cari!! Positive thoughts. Any advice from those adopting who have gotten back on the 'train' would be very welcome!

Are You KIDDING Me??

2008-01-10T11:25:00.001-05:00

The latest buzz is that someone with an LID like mine (October 2006) will be lucky to receive a referral in 2011. Gee, that would only make it 5 years from start to finish. No problem.

I have questions: Is the CCAA really going to accept files that are 5 or 6 years old? Will the Ontario government require me to continuously renew my documents? Do I live my life in limbo, or try to truly live?

Well, considering my New Year's vow to live positively, I'm going to put this aside and continue to live. I'm healthy. I'm in love with a wonderful man (so what if I can't marry him for years to come or I won't be able to adopt? Neither of us are going anywhere, and in the grand scheme of things, life is long). I'm happy. I'm employed. Yes, this SUCKS, and I'm angry. But I'm not going to let it make me a negative, bitter person.

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T20:34:00.001-05:00

A very happy New Year to my bloggy friends! Let's make this year a really positive one....lots of fun, laughter, love, and many speedy referrals for our children.
The waiting is horrible, but this year, I vow to REALLY, REALLY TRY to not let it get me down too much. To not let it beat me over the head and heart. And to not let it overshadow the good things in my life.

Another One Bites the Dust...

2007-12-25T20:47:00.000-05:00

14 months down as of tomorrow.....we just keep on a-tickin. And a Merry Christmas for those of my bloggy friends who are celebrating today!

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Out of Review!!

2007-12-23T13:58:00.000-05:00

My files are out of review! That means that I'm one teensy step closer to Jordyn. Now, maybe it's only 2 more years to go! Who knew this would be so difficult?

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Lucky?

2007-11-26T18:29:00.000-05:00

I got nothin' to say, other than it's 13 months. Happy monthaversary to me.

C

12

2007-10-25T22:24:00.001-04:00

Cue the 'Happy Anniversary' song from the Flintstones cartoon. Come on, you know you know it.
Tomorrow is 12 months since my LID. Has it been a long year or a short one? The last 6 months have gone more quickly, but I attribute it to the glorious distraction of DateBoy. I'm trying to handle the wait graciously, but I fear that I'm failing miserably in that area. Let's see what next year brings.

I miss Jordyn.

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11 Months Came and Went

2007-09-30T20:26:00.000-04:00

It was 11 months on the 26th. Not much to say about it -- it's getting sort of depressing, and a bit ridiculous to count every month, but I'm compelled to do it.

11 months closer.

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Breakfast in America

2007-09-24T21:01:00.000-04:00

I went to America on the weekend to meet up with my bloggy friends, Nic and Tim (and the amazing baby Z), and a bunch of new bloggy friends (I don't know how 'anonymous' they are, so for now they'll remain 'fun folk')

We had a great time at the Original Pancake House and I got lots of quality time with baby Z. Another family also had a lovely child, a beautiful girl we'll call 'Cutie'. She was right across from me, and we had lots of fun and jokes. What a sweetie she was!!

It was nice to get away with DateBoy for the day, and talk with others who know what this hellish wait is like.

I haven't written lately...nothing, but nothing, to say. Is this adoption still happening???

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Double Digits

2007-08-28T13:04:00.001-04:00

I've made it to a decade of months, and actually missed the date! It was on Sunday (today's Tuesday) and I'm feeling a teensy bit of 'mother guilt' at having missed the day. DateBoy tells me this is a good thing...means I'm not obsessing as much as usual! I guess he's right. I probably have at least 20 MORE months to go, so it's pretty frustrating to be going 'Yay!! 10 months!!' and feel like this is an accomplishment.

Well...happy 10 months to me! Let's hope that the next 20 just fly by! (Lame adoption humour....)

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My Secret Pal Strikes Again!!

2007-08-15T18:45:00.000-04:00

I had a lovely surprise today when the UPS guy showed up at my door with a big box!! (Truly, I'm like a 6 year old on Christmas. Well, Hannukah. Let's just say Halloween and split the difference)

This month's theme was 'something personal', which is always a bit tricky!! My SP read my blog and sent great things!! A picnic basket with plates, cups, cutlery, a bottle of sparkling water (she wanted to send wine, but customs laws being what they are, she sent the water!). Can't wait until I can use these things on a romantic picnic with DateBoy!! There were also great snacks for us and gifts for Dexter! The best part of the gift was the little handpainted sign for Jordyn's room. She even wrote a sweet note on the back, about how much Jordyn is wanted and loved.

Thanks SP -- you rock!!!!

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The Sweetest Words....

2007-08-13T10:38:00.000-04:00

Usually, "I love you" are those words that take awhile to say and feel really comfortable with. DateBoy and I are past that part, and we say it, and mean it, all the time. Truly, it had been so long since I had heard these words that I wonder if I'll ever grow tired of hearing them now. I can't imagine getting tired of saying them!

It took us some time to come out with the big "I love you" moment, and DateBoy was braver than I in saying it first. I waited, as I wanted to be REALLY SURE that I meant it, and wasn't rushing into anything. I loved him a long time before I actually said it. I had visions of telling him for the first time in a really romantic setting (you know...candles, wine, gentle music in the background). In reality, I was sort of swept along while we installed a dimmer switch in my kitchen. It's always the little moments, isn't it?

Anyway, I heard words yesterday which were even more precious to me than "I love you". After a long productive day yesterday, sitting in front of the TV, DateBoy said "You're my best friend". Wow....and I realized that it's true and it's mutual. There's no one I'd rather spend time with. There's no one I have as much fun with. There's no one I laugh as much with. Best friends are precious. They're trusted with all of your deepest secrets, hopes, fears, joys and sorrows. Best friends are people you really want to spend time with. Best friends appreciate each other.

I never thought that I'd fall in love again, and I sure didn't think that when I did, I'd be so lucky as to find my best friend. Sometimes the universe is lined up just right.

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9 Months LID -- Still No Labour Pains...

2007-07-25T20:43:00.000-04:00

So...the dreaded 9 months LID arrives, with no baby in sight. The wait grows, as does my frustration and pain at not having my child home with me. Things have been so great for me lately....DateBoy is the most wonderful man ever, and I'm feeling things I've never felt before, nor ever hoped to feel. I'm beyond grateful for this time with him, and excited by what may be to come...

And yet, there's always a bit of emptiness, a bit of my life missing. It's always around this time of month that I rememeber lost babies and imagine what could have been. Allow myself to play the 'poor Cari' game for a few minutes. But then I remind myself to live in the moment as much as possible and to be grateful for the things I have. Incredible friends, who are more like family than family. Good health (and there were times that I didn't have this, so I know how important it is). A career which is fun and fulfilling. Work in the theatre, to satisfy the creative side of my life. DateBoy, who I love so much, and who I know loves me...the most special feeling I've ever experienced. And somewhere in the future...my daughter, who will one day read these blog entries and know how much she is loved and how much her mother is waiting for her to come home.

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My New Favourite Gift for Kids!!

2007-07-24T17:18:00.001-04:00

My new favourite gift for little ones is a CD called "Just for Me". It's a personalized CD, which is great for newborns and toddlers alike. All of the songs are educational and sing the child's name multiple times. It really makes kids feel special, and $1 from each CD sale goes to The Hospital for Sick Children, which as most people know is a world class hospital here in Toronto.

I got one for my little baby friend Maya, and she loves it!! Her parents are thrilled with it too. It's a pretty cool gift, as the books and clothes get a bit boring to purchase after awhile. At least this one is unique, fun, and really well produced. Click on the link in this post, or the link on my blog, and check them out!! I was amazed at the number of names that are available.

Now...off for a nap! (Rock-a-bye Cari, on the tree top) So...ok....maybe I got one for myself too!!

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I've Been Tagged!!! (The Nickname Files...)

2007-07-12T14:16:00.000-04:00

Well, I've been tagged by Rhonda (aka, 'Fluffy Pretzel') to reveal any nicknames that I may have. Ok....here goes!

Well, truth be told, technically, Cari is a nickname itself. My given name is "Carol", which I never liked, or felt connected to. Friends started calling me Cari when I was a child, but I didn't officially change it until university. Legally, I'm still Carol, but there are lots of documents now (credit cards, pay cheques) that have 'Cari'. I really like my name now!

Along with my 'regular' name, there's always the usual 'Care-Bear' sorts of things that folks named Carrie/Kerry/Cari/Karen/Carol/etc always get. I also get 'Cari-Cat' and 'Cari-Care' from some folks. My parents used to call me 'bear' when I was a baby, and that still creeps up now and again.

As for 'private' nicknames, other than the standard 'Sweetie', and 'Cutie', DateBoy and I are still too new to have other, more..um...interesting nicknames for each other. When we do.....I'll be sure to keep them to myself!!!

I now tag Kim, Catherine, and Julie.

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Canada Day Fun!

2007-07-01T20:42:00.000-04:00

Happy 140th Birthday, Canada!! Today was a nice day spent at the Family Outreach International picnic, which took place at Black Creek Pioneer Village. It's a cool place where the staff dress in period costumes, and there are blacksmiths, tinsmiths, and the like, all plying their trades for all to see. It's funny to see guests wandering around the place on cell phones, though....just like in days of yore. Seriously, people, put the damn phones away and just enjoy the day!!
Ok, rant over.

The picnic was fun -- I went with Tracey and her family. They've just received word that their referral will be in the next batch, so I'm sure that Tracey will be calm, cool, and collected for the upcoming days...NOT!!! I don't know how people deal with the last few days...brutal.

Anyway, tons of gorgeous kids and a yummy lunch was had by all. It's always nice to see families who have successfully gone through the adoption process, and have their children with them. I was at the picnic last year, and I was there this year. 2 picnics without my daughter. I wonder how many more? I'm thinking at least 2 more without her, which is wildly frustrating, but probably reality.

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8 Months!

2007-06-26T21:48:00.001-04:00

Add another ladybug to Jordyn's door -- today is 8 months since LID. Today I was wondering how many more months to go....could it be 20 more? 24 more? No one really seems to know, but today I am 8 months closer to my daughter. As DateBoy so eloquently put it today, I am two-thirds of a year there!

Tonight I went out for dinner with my friend Tracey, who at this point has 19 ladybugs on her door. Her referral will hopefully be included in this next batch, so we're sort of on pins and needles waiting for it. It's funny...it's difficult to be so far away from referral, and it's difficult for Tracey and her family to be so close. I think all of us in the adoption community have come to the conclusion that it's hard any way you look at it!

Tracey gave me the cutest little gift for Jordyn today -- an adorable T-shirt, with a ladybug on the front.

Note the close up of the ladybug on the pic on the right!

Thanks Tracey!! I'll be hoping and praying for good things for you this month!

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SP Gifts!!!

2007-06-14T20:09:00.000-04:00

Cute gifts from my Secret Pal!! This month's theme was 'Fun in the Sun' and my SP sent things that will be fun for the baby, and also for me!
An adorable bathing suit, and hooded towel/robe for Jordyn. And for me....cute tumblers, floaty candles and margarita mix!!! School's almost over, so the timing is just perfect -- thanks SP!!!
This whole SP thing makes the interminable wait a teensy bit easier (and even more fun).

Dexter approves of the gifts.

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Thanks to everyone!

2007-06-14T20:04:00.001-04:00

I've been having major adoption stress lately. Just feeling like I'm standing in a line that's never moving, and I might not get to the front of the line for 2-3 years yet. As my bloggy friends, and other fellow adopters know, it's incredibly frustrating and maddening. Most of us have been waiting for a child for many, many years, and now that documents have been sent and everything is done...we wait.
My last post was pretty depressing, and I recieved so many supportive comments from friends and strangers. It was awesome! The support in this community is like no other...so while this whole process sucks the life out of you, there are those moments that breathe it back in.
Thanks everyone.

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Hitting the Wall?

2007-06-09T14:54:00.000-04:00

I'm getting REALLY frustrated by the wait. I'm only 7 months logged in, and the current timing suggests that I'll be waiting until 2009, or even 2010 for my daughter. What if the China program closes? What if this NEVER happens?
I've even been toying with the idea of trying to get pregnant again, which tells you how incredibly stressed I've been lately. The idea of being pregnant is enough to make me nauseous (not in the good, morning sickness way) but what if my adoption never happens?
The people who are just getting their referrals this month were Logged In for about 18-19 months. I'd LOVE it if my wait was that short, but it seems to be around 24-30 months FROM NOW. This is the most frustrating, tortuous journey ever --
Sorry for the depressing post, but that's my day today.

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It's A Small World...(sing along!)

2007-06-03T20:19:00.001-04:00

Today was a really cool day! Through the wonderful world of blogging, I was able to reconnect with old friends of mine (T and J) from high school. They came across my blog by accident and got in touch. Turns out that they're also adopting from China, we have the same agency, and even used the same social worker! (cue the song and creepy Disney doll things)
We got together today (haven't seen each other for 20 years - yup, we're officially old) and had a lovely day. They prepared an AMAZING brunch for us (I brought DateBoy with me - -he went to high school with them too) and introduced us to their super boys, Little G and A-man. So cute!! We discussed all things adoption, caught up on the doings of old friends, and went for a walk at a local street fair.
It was so great to see my old friends....and I'm so excited for them because their referral is just around the corner! It won't come this month, but will likely (she said cautiously) come next month. Soon, Little Baby A will be seen by her family, and by friends new and old. I'm so thrilled that we've reconnected and that we have another friend to play with. Also, it's always nice to talk to those who truly understand what the long adoption road is like. Only those who have travelled this path really know what it's like.

I'm also stealing a cool idea from T. She's marked each passing LID month with a ladybug stuck to the baby's door, and I'm doing the same! (she gave me the rest of her ladybugs, hoping that she won't need anymore...well, maybe one more). These adorable bugs are from the dollar store, and my friend T has 18 on her door. I'm thinking that I might end up with 30, which is just too sad to contemplate. Right now, let's start with seven.

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7 Months and Other Stuff

2007-05-26T12:15:00.000-04:00

It's been a full month since I've blogged and my 7 month LID has crept up on me! It's funny how adoption time is much slower than real life time. I can't believe that it's almost the end of the school year (yay, because I'm getting tired, and my classroom is so hot that the children are melting) and that the summer is just around the corner. Where is my Jordyn? I'm a smidgen closer today, which is a good thing.

I've been super busy with TONS of theatre, and had a successful opening night last night. The other show that I was involved with is finally over, and I'm having a bit of post show withdrawl from that one. Anyway, onward to the next run!

I was so happy to meet other waiting (and present) moms at our fabulous dinner, where we had 23 moms and 3 gorgeous babies there. I had a great time and made some new friends. Always nice to meet others in the adoption world! I'm looking forward to the next dinner in July.

One surprise came in the mail the other day -- a gift from my secret pal! It's not 'secret pal' time, so this was a true surprise and I love it!

The other gift was a sticker which says "Adopting from China....It's like an elephant pregnancy...Only more paperwork. (...and a beautiful present at the end!)
Thanks SP -- I love my new stuff!

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Happy 6 Months!

2007-04-26T09:16:00.000-04:00

Is it happy?? Well, it's 6 months closer. How many more months to go? I MAY be a quarter of the way done by now. Who would have thought this would take so long....
Anyway, I know my Jordyn will be worth the wait.

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A Day for Getting Spoiled...

2007-04-16T22:36:00.000-04:00

If it doesn't rain, it pours! I also received my Cyber Shower gift today -- from Krista!! Thanks Krista -- the gifts are adorable. The theme for this month was also bath time, so including the things from my secret pal, I think Jordyn might almost be done for bath things.
Krista sent some washcloths, a really cute bath puppet (which my cat is trying to steal), and the most perfect hooded towel. I can't wait until there's a screaming, soaking wet baby to wrap up!
Thanks again Krista - I love everything!

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A Special Delivery from my Secret Pal!

2007-04-16T22:34:00.000-04:00

Man, oh man, what a perfect day to receive these amazing gifts! She was far too generous, but she found the most awesome things. I had to take 2 pics to make sure everything could be seen properly.

This picture shows the bath toy bag (with the cool ladybug and flower suction cups!), 8 washcloths, a bath spout cover (shaped like a happy star) and a rubber ducky (I've always secretly wanted one of these!)

The second picture shows some Huggies disposable wash cloths, nail clippers in the shape of a bumble bee (love these!!), bath squirter toys (how she found one with a ladybug in there, I'll never know...), stacking cups and my personal favourite, the comb and brush (the brush as a ladybug as the 'head')

Also very special was the card included in the gift -- the message was so lovely, I'd like to share it with everyone all of my friends who are slogging through the amazing world of International Adoption:

Here's to shortened wait times,
Good friends to keep us busy,
And the prospect of a giggling,
Happy baby splashing in the
Tub to make our lives complete!

An excellent sentiment -- I wish this for all of us!
Thanks again SP -- you rock!!

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For Rob...

2007-04-12T23:20:00.000-04:00

My dear friend Rob suddenly lost his mom yesterday. He has been such a good friend to me, and is being so brave in the face of this sudden death. Here are a couple of poems, one for him and one for his mom, that say things much better than I ever could.

Reaching Out

My heart is reaching out to you,
For what you’re going through;
I’m thinking of you frequently
And praying for you, too.

If there’s something I can do,
Anything at all,
Think of me thinking of you,
And don’t hesitate to call.

By Joanna Fuchs

The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám 21

Lo! some we loved, the loveliest and best
That Time and Fate of all their Vintage prest,
Have drunk their Cup a Round or two before,
And one by one crept silently to Rest.

Translated by Edward FitzGerald

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Especially for Kathy

2007-04-12T19:23:00.000-04:00

Thanks so much Kathy for the amazing changes to my blog! I love it -- it's so sweet and original -- like I hope my daughter will be one day!

I'm officially requesting that Kathy starts her own show on the learning channel -- Pimp My Blog. Anyone second the motion?

Thanks Kathy -- dinner's on me!

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Some Babies Come By Plane

2007-04-08T20:08:00.000-04:00

I was blog surfing and came across the site for this photographer, David J. Clapp. Check out the site, and find the link for "Some Babies Come By Plane" -- a gorgeous photo montage of beautiful girls from China. Enjoy!

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Depressing News in the Adoption Community

2007-04-08T19:32:00.000-04:00

Rumour has it that this months referrals comprise only 2 days. How is this possible???? So hard to believe. Chatter on the Rumor Queen site has people predicting that November's referrals (they're just finishing October 2005 now) will take an incredible 4 months to get through. At this rate, I won't be in China until more than 2 years from now. I don't want to leave the China program, but I might start 'looking at options'. Not that there are many options available to a soon to be single mom, but I have to do something so that my head doesn't explode.

Passover Party!!

2007-04-08T19:24:00.000-04:00

Last night was a great time! I was invited over to Rhonda and Josh's place, where I met fellow bloggers Nic and Tim, and Dolores and Shawn, as well as Rhonda's mom and her sweetie.
We had such a nice time! It was great to meet fellow adoptive parents, and to bitch about the incessant waiting, and our experiences up to this point. We also discussed our jobs, theatre, travel and a variety of topics.
Rhonda and Josh were excellent hosts, and made an awesome dinner -- no mean feat during Passover! The main course was a delicious lasagne - check out their blog for the recipe. It tasted great!
It's becoming such an interesting adventure, this adoption. I never would have imagined making new friends before the baby came home. I had imagined I would meet lots of new people after becoming a mother, but not before. So, no matter how difficult this journey is, there are good things in it.

Confessions of a Negligent Blogger

2007-04-08T19:13:00.000-04:00

Bless me Blogger, for I have not blogged....it's been more than a week since my last post. I have been one lazy girl when it comes to blogging - I'll try to be better!

So...last Friday I went for dinner with some other waiting single moms!

We had a great time at a Chinese Buffet and didn't stop talking for 4 hours. I met Catherine, Liz, and Mystery Mom R, who is keeping her identity a secret for the time being. Liz is going to get Ava in just 5 more days!! It's so unbelievably exciting -- I can't wait until she goes, and we can follow along in her blog.

A really sweet surprise were the gifts that both Catherine and Liz brought with them to the dinner. (I've got to get with it -- first Rhonda gave me that cute keychain, and now these gifts from Catherine and Liz -- got to stock up on gifts!)

Catherine gave us this great mug, which I love!

Funny how when you're drinking from a mug you like, the coffee tastes much better.

Liz brought the cutest things for Jordyn -- and the card she gave me was addressed to Jordyn, which I loved. There was a stuffed panda (Jordyn's first Panda), a pig door knob cover, and a pink bodysuit with a ladybug on it -- I can't wait until I have a little girl to dress up!

Thanks so much Catherine, Liz and Mystery Mom R!! It was great meeting you all - I hope we can keep in touch.

5 Months LID!

2007-03-25T22:44:00.000-04:00

Gee, it seems like just a month ago I was blogging about being 4 months LID, and here's it is....5 months!! Oh, yeah, it was a month ago.

I can't decide if this waiting is now going slowly or quickly. When I found out last week that I had only 19 months left on my car lease, I said "Wow-I can get a new car pretty soon!" But when I think about Jordyn in 19 months (ok, so this is my optimistic week -- but maybe in 19 months I can at least think about a referral) I think that it's forever.

Well, every month is one month closer. Positive thinking...positive thinking....what was my new mantra again? Wait, hope, dream, repeat...

What to do with Rotten Bananas

2007-03-25T13:55:00.000-04:00

Bake Banana Chocolate Chip muffins of course!!! I'm not much of a baker, but every now and again, the baking muse bites, and I must submit. So...I sifted, and measured, and smashed horribly rotten bananas (they had attitude like you wouldn't believe) and voila! The kitchen smells yummy. And it's all nice and clean, because, while I'm not a neat freak by any stretch, I do like to 'clean as I go' when cooking.

But I really, really can't wait until this kitchen is a huge disaster, because I'm baking with a little girl. Because she's doing the stirring and measuring and getting flour and eggs everywhere. Because baking with a little girl is so much more fun than baking alone.

My Latest Internet Obsession...Puzzling

2007-03-21T19:53:00.000-04:00

I love puzzles. Word puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, logic puzzles, you name it, I'm your puzzle girl (except for that damn Sudoko -- can't do those, and I've officially given up).
I was internet browsing one day, and came across this really cool site! The puzzles have all of these wild cuts (this is not your grandma's jigsaw, that's for sure!) and lots of different themes to choose from. My favourite cut is the '70 piece Bulbs' one -- extra fun!! There's even a ladybug puzzle, for those who believe that all ladybug sightings count, even ones in puzzles! Enjoy!

(could this posting have more exclamation marks?!?)

My Carnival Adventure!

2007-03-21T18:50:00.000-04:00

Well, no, it's not as exciting as you might think. I've just joined the Crazy Hip Mamas Webring, and their latest 'challenge' was to pick a random blog and visit, then tell others about it.

I came across Amber's site called Crazy Bloggin Canuck (yes, you heard me...CANUCK). The first random blog I come across is written by a fellow Canadian, albeit from the USA. It's okay...I'll forgive her! Her blog is awesome -- cool graphics, and hilarious stories and pics of her kids and family. Particularly liked the potty training story. Her writing is too funny!!! (and the pictures that she's added don't hurt either.) Can't wait til I have Jordyn at home and can write about my own traumas in these departments!!

Thanks Amber -- I'll be visiting again!

The Meeting of the Giant and the Sprout

2007-03-19T20:25:00.000-04:00

An historical moment occurred tonight -- the meeting of the 'Giant' and the 'Sprout'. I had dinner with Rhonda and Josh tonight, and as we had never met in person, and in lieu of red carnations in lapels, I described myself as 5 feet tall (the sprout in the story). Rhonda told me that she was very tall (the Giant), but not a giant at all -- just a very elegant woman!
She and Josh were lovely -- it's so nice to meet people with whom you've only chatted online -- a little bit like a blind date too!
Despite the many problems that Rhonda had with her dinner (how many ways can they screw up Salmon? Well...when they bring out chicken, that's a big problem) we had a nice time and a good chat. All about adoption stuff, and other stuff as well (which is always nice -- good to get out of adoption mode once in awhile).
And...so generous!! Rhonda gave me this keychain

(I know the pic is a bit blurry, but couldn't seem to get it any clearer). The writing means 'good luck' or 'good fortune' which I know we can all use a lot of! Thanks so much R and J!! Looking forward to getting to know you both better as the time goes along

Visual DNA

2007-03-18T12:37:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I hopped on the Visual DNA bandwagon -- here it is!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

A Letter for my Daughter

2007-03-16T13:39:00.000-04:00

I was cleaning out some old paperwork and came across this letter that I wrote to Jordyn this past August. I was at a friend's cottage, and was just enjoying the sun and fresh air -- this is what I wrote:

Dear Jordyn,

Today, a butterfly came to visit. I watched it flying on the beach, and it looped and flopped in great circles. She must have been tired, because she came and sat on a clump of grass right beside me. As she caught her breath, I had a chance to take a good look -- a beautiful Monarch, black and orange, with the most delicate specks of white.
One day, you will see such a butterfly, and I bet you'll chase it. Maybe you'll call it - "Come here, Butterfly, and play with me!" I'll remind you to be gentle, that butterflies don't particularly like playing with little girls. You'll say, "Oh, Mama, I'm always gentle."
I'll teach you about butterflies. How they start out as caterpillars, rest in their cocoons for awhile, and then emerge as butterflies. You'll say, "How do they do that Mama? Why?" I'll tell you it's the way they are.
I won't tell you yet that little girls are like butterflies too. When you come home to me, you will be transforming from a caterpillar into a butterfly. What kind will you be?
I won't tell you yet that little girls in Canada are lucky, because they can become caterpillars and butterflies many, many times in their lives. I hope I can teach you how to move slowly and cautiously, like a caterpillar. How to take time to rest, think, and change. How to emerge as a beautiful butterfly time and time again, as you grow from baby, to child to woman.
I'm going to watch butterflies a lot more carefully from now on.

Love, Mama

A New Look

2007-03-15T20:28:00.000-04:00

I decided the blog needed a makeover, so I chose a new template. What do we think? I'm going to leave it for a couple of days, and see if I like it. Opinions are welcome.

My New Mantra

2007-03-15T19:46:00.000-04:00

I saw this great picture on someone else's blog. The mantra of adoption: Wait, Hope, Dream. Will I ever be holding Jordyn in my arms?

Oh yeah....Wait, Hope, Dream, (Repeat)Wait, Hope, Dream....

Shopping in America!

2007-03-14T18:49:00.000-04:00

I went to Buffalo today (well, technically Niagara Falls, but everybody tends to say 'Buffalo'). Did lots of shopping with my good friends, and fellow teachers, Rochelle and Cathy. We even got to pass Fantasy Island and shout out "Fun, Wow!!" Does anyone except Rochelle and me remember this commercial??? Always seemed like the coolest place to go -- actually kind of depressing when you pass by.

Before any of my Canadian friends slam me for spending my hard earned cash over the border, I'm an honourable Canadian, and claimed my purchases. Still think I saved some money, though! I bought a black dress for an upcoming soiree (very elegant, very pretty), a couple of watches, and some fun stuff for Jordyn.

My favourite outfit is the adorable denim skirt and top -- The Children's Place rocks!! Amazing sale racks -- I didn't spend more than $3.99 per item, and only .99 for a couple of things.

I also found these Pampers "Pocket Bibsters", which are not the most environmentally friendly thingys, but seem like they'd be great for travel to China.

I really hope that I'll get to use these things some day. I know that some people think I'm jinxing myself by buying things for my child, but it makes me happy. I've had so much bad luck with baby stuff at this point, that I really doubt that my purchasing anything for my daughter will have any impact on the universe. And really....who cares? It makes me happy and makes the endless months of waiting go by a teensy bit faster if I buy the occassional thing.

A Delivery for Jordyn!

2007-03-01T20:38:00.000-05:00

So...when you're pregnant, the situation is generally obvious to all. Well-wishers abound, gifts and blessings for the coming arrival are bestowed, and generally, people feel happy just looking at you. In the adoption world, things are different. We have babies coming....but know one knows. We are 'pregnant' in our minds; expectant parents in every sense of the word. We are expecting a little person to be in our homes at some point. We are expecting a long and ardous journey to get there. We are expecting our friends and family to be patient with us as we learn about how to create our families in what might be a new and unique way to most of us.

In order to make this ride much more pleasant, the various adoption groups create 'secret pal' gift exchanges, and 'virtual' baby showers. I just participated in my first shower with my DTC group!!! (for the uninitiated, DTC is "Dossier to China" - the time that our documents were sent to China. Mine were sent in September 2006, and the group includes Americans, Canadians and Europeans. The internet is a wonderful thing!) The theme was "Prince or Princess" (or anything royalty related) and the idea was to send your partner an appropriate gift to arrive before today. There is even a 'virtual' shower in our chatroom, although I don't know if I'll be able to participate in it.

Yesterday, a delivery came for Jordyn...a sweet bib which says 'Princess' on it. So lovely. I'm not much of a 'princess-y' kind of girl myself, but the gift is so cute, and came from a sweet person in the States who I know went through a lot of trouble to get this gift here on time. So....thanks Malia!! I can't wait until my Jordyn messes this up!!!

4 Months since LID!

2007-02-24T00:12:00.000-05:00

Today is 4 official months since LID. 4 months closer to my daughter.

I'm considering it the start of Trimester 2 (of 6.....)

Dr. Destructo

2007-02-23T13:43:00.000-05:00

Dexter up a tree

Dexter has turned into a one-cat destruction derby. His latest thing is destroying my plant, although today reached new heights when he actually knocked the thing over. In retalliation, I decided to (a) get out the water and spray him when he approaches the plant and (b) have him neutered. I don't really think that one has to do with the other, but hey....couldn't hurt!

Jungle Cat

The Aftermath

Happy Chinese New Year!

2007-02-17T19:44:00.000-05:00

Happy Chinese New Year!! I'm hoping to learn more about this beautiful celebration as I go along on my journey to meet Jordyn. According to China Sprout "It is traditional to hang Chinese New Year Greeting Couplets, such as these, around the door of one’s house during the Chinese New Year. These three-piece couplet sets feature traditional greetings and good wishes for things such as a very lucky year, good health and prosperity. Decorate your family’s home for the New Year the same way that millions of Chinese people do throughout the world. These are truly “must have” items for the Chinese New Year, and they’re easy to use: simply hang the two long couplets vertically on each side of the door, and the short one horizontally across the top of the door."
I'm not feeling hugely 'festive' at the moment, considering how far away my baby is. However, I'll keep learning, and maybe I'll have a little Chinese New Year party next year, in anticipation of good things to come. For those of you celebrating Chinese New Year, enjoy!

Dexter Goes to School!

2007-02-14T00:43:00.000-05:00

This is a picture from my school website, taken on the day I brought Dexter to school to meet my students! He's just such a munchkin (although my hands and arms are filled with 'Dexter Love" i.e. scratches) and such a cutie.
He's become quite the topic of conversation in my classroom, the children always asking how Dexter is doing, and if he's being a good boy. They enjoy the tales of his antics, and my dealings with his behaviours.

Our most interesting Dexter behaviour is his sucking. Apparently, he was taken from his mother too early, and he has a serious oral fixation. At least once a day, he MUST suck on my neck, hands, face...he's not picky. As long as it's Mommy's skin, he's a happy boy. Needless to say, while cute, this is not the most welcoming thing to wake up to at 5am. Oh well.....at least if I say that my cat sucks, I'm not being offensive.

LID....Finally!!!

2007-02-13T15:11:00.000-05:00

Just got an email from Bob at FOI -- I finally have an LID!!!! It's October 26, 2006. I'm already 3 months post LID!!!

I can now officially join those who say that they are 'paper pregnant' -- I think I'm starting to feel a bit of morning sickness :)

Now...to wait for the longest gestation period in the world.....elephant like. Here's to waiting for good things!

Excitement in Saskatchewan!

2007-02-12T19:28:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't posted in ages, but I've truly had nothing to say. My adoption is just sort of hanging there, like a weird foggy cloud, and isn't moving at all. I'll likely wait 2 years from this point, which is more frustrating than I can articulate at this time. However, good things do happen.....

Kim finally got her referral for Channing!!! We're all so excited for her! Her new daughter is just gorgeous -- check out her blog linked to mine. It's a neat thing to be so excited and moved to see a little person you've never met, and likely never will. It's amazing to feel so connected to Kim, who's way out in the Prairies (where I've never been!). Another single mom, who got to see her sweet daughter's face for the first time today. It was so lovely to read her blog, and then see all the messages of support from around the country. I hope Kim gets her travel approval soon -- I think she'll be going with Dan and Kelly, who also recently got a referral for their handsome boy, Aiden. (check out their blog too!)

While you're checking out the links, stop by Carolyn and Marvin's blog -- they're in China right now, having met their daughter Kennedy on my birthday! It was a great gift for me to check into their blog and see their photos. They live in PEI and I know they're looking forward to getting home soon. Their munchkin is adorable and has the sweetest giggle I've heard in a long time (they've posted some great video)

I'd like to say an official 'thanks' to all of my 'bloggy' friends, who have been so generous in posting their pictures and experiences. It makes this arduous journey a teensy bit easier, knowing that at the end of the road, I'll have my precious Jordyn with me, and I'll be able to post her giggles for the world to hear too.

Paula Zahn and the CNN Fiasco

2007-01-06T13:17:00.000-05:00

Did anyone watch the CNN piece on Chinese adoption? It was supposed to be about the new laws and how they will affect prospective adoptive parents. The clip was part of a larger episode about discrimination. Is it okay to reject parents because they're overweight? Because they are single? Because they have a 'facial deformity'?

The panel discussion was a joke. It quickly dissolved into a 'why are people so obsessed with chinese babies?' opinion poll. Why aren't people adopting babies from the States? Apparently, we adoptive parents want little 'porcelain China dolls' who will be smart and grow up to be doctors. We want Chinese babies because their 'health is so good'.

The Chinese adoption community is now in quite an uproar. CNN is going to get lots of nasty emails questioning the validity of their erroneous statements. A lot of people are very angry and offended.

Personally, I would have loved to adopt domestically, but was told that as a single mother, to 'forget about it'. If I want a chance to have a baby, then foreign adoption is the way to go, and the Chinese system is very predictable. (well, as predictable as adoption ever gets!)

I want to have a child. I want to raise a baby to be a productive, happy adult. I would have loved for that child to be Canadian born, but that's very unlikely. I would have looked at the USA for an infant, but the adoption costs are double that of what I will spend for China.

Do I expect my Chinese daughter to be perfect, angelic, healthy, brilliant. Well, sure...we all have these dreams for our kids, whether we give birth to them or not. The bottom line is that I will accept my daughter for whoever she is: her health problems, should she have them, will be dealt with. We'll adapt to any behavioural problems she might have. If she's extremely bright, I'll be very proud - if not, I'll get her a tutor, and encourage her to work up to her potential, whatever that might be. My child will be who she is...and I'll love her no matter what.

Referral Time and other ramblings...

2007-01-04T12:52:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to understand this whole 'referral time' thing! A lucky group of parents (who have been waiting around 16 months since LID) got their referrals yesterday, and they finally have pictures and information of their beautiful children! It's so exciting to read their blogs and see the pics of the new children, and to know that they've been waiting FOREVER (that's how it feels) to see their children. Check out the Rumor Queen website to see links to some families who have posted pictures.

I was telling a friend today that adoption is like being pregnant for years, and never knowing when or if you might go into labour. I think of Jordyn CONSTANTLY - and people telling me 'not to think about it' isn't helpful. I've been waiting for this child for years and years. I've been waiting to become a mother for a long, long time. The first time I got pregnant was more that 11 years ago. If you count the years of planning and thinking and dreaming about having a child, I've been waiting more 15 years for this child. After 2 miscarriages, and much decision making, I'm now travelling to China for my daughter, who I already love so much. I hope that one day, I'll be able to post my referral pictures of my baby, and know that I'll be going to meet her soon.

Jordyn's Baby Registry

2007-01-02T15:16:00.000-05:00

There's been so much stress with this whole adoption process that I've had a difficult time realizing that I'm actually going to have a baby. I don't know exactly when, but at some point, there will be a little person in this house.

I think dealing with all of this stress and having such a lack of control over the entire process can take some of the joy out of the baby world. So...I decided to have some fun, and create a baby registry for Jordyn! I always said I never would 'register' (not really my style) but I had such fun putting it together --'virtually' shopping for my girl.

It's so easy for this whole process to knock the wind out of you, and suck the joy out of having a new baby. I'm grabbing some of the joy back! I don't really care that it will be at least 2 years until I see Jordyn's beautiful face. I want to do things for her (and me, I guess) and thinking of things that she will need is comforting.

So...for whoever's interested, I've posted the link in the sidebar (although I'm having trouble with it today - I hope I've done it correctly!) Check it out!!

Happy 2007!

2007-01-01T16:27:00.000-05:00

A happy new year to all of my friends and family, both 'real' and 'bloggy'. I had been hoping that Jordyn would be coming home to me this year, but it doesn't seem like that's in the cards for me. The best I can hope for, apparently, is that my files go to the review room in 2007. There are so many rumours flying around regarding wait times, the new CCAA changes, etc, that my head is spinning. According to the 'Rumor Queen' website (addictive, but can definitely make you crazy!) is that I might be looking at late 2008 or even 2009. I'm going to speak to my social worker this week to see if there are any other options for me, but I really don't want other options -- my heart is in China with my daughter.

Dexterous Dexter!

2006-12-28T10:32:00.000-05:00

My little munchkin...being so cute! Thanks to Uncle Rob for the excellent pictures!

Introducing...the now not-nameless kitten!!

2006-12-27T10:53:00.000-05:00

And the final decision is....DEXTER!!!

It's been a tough decision, and despite the advice from good friend David that the little thing would be known throughout the kitten community as 'Dork-Kitten', the name has to be Dexter. He just looks like a Dexter to me!

We just got back from the vet, and he weighs a whopping 1 pound, 9 ounces (which is why I say picking him up is liking picking up air -- so teeny!). He's pretty healthy, and was a very good boy at the vet, making everyone love him.

I just bought him a scratching post, and we're going to practice using it today, so that my arms are no longer his favourite toy.

A poem for my daughter...

2006-12-26T11:00:00.000-05:00

I saw this poem written by an adoptive father and wanted to cyber-send it to my Jordyn. Even though my 'referral' date is a long time away, I still imagine it, and wish for it to come.

DAYDREAMING

I stepped into her room today
Knowing she’s not there
This waiting for referral
Is more than one can bear

But taking in the moment
I sit down on the floor
And dream of her here with me
When waiting is no more.

A little giggle fills the air
As I rub her feet
I place my hand upon her heart
To feel its every beat.

A song is sung so very soft
Her eyes begin to close
She’s meeting me in dream land
A place where love still grows.

My vision now is very blurred
The tears stream down my cheeks
I’ve dreamed of her quite often
Throughout these past few weeks.

Suddenly a sound is heard
The phone rings in the hall
Waking up I quickly pray
Please let it be “The Call”.

Tom Fisher

Still nameless, but oh, so cute!

2006-12-25T11:57:00.000-05:00

Little kitten is adjusting nicely to his new surroundings. He's absolutely fearless, and will jump, climb and bat at everything. So far, no major structural damage to the apartment.

Yesterday was an adventure, as we went to visit our friends, Mario and David. Kitten explored their house freely, and ate his first meal of tuna. He hadn't yet eaten anything at my place, and I was getting worried. Thank goodness that Italian Uncle Mario is such a great chef, and created the fabulous "tuna on a plate", which kitten devoured.

Since coming home last night, I'm happy to report that he's now eaten some kitten food and successfully used his litter box (I'm such a proud mom).

Now...for the challenge -- I'm including a list of possible names for the little critter (I'd name him Critter, but that's the name of the magical dragon in my classroom!) I'm taking a general poll - -what do you think of these names?

Kitten Names:

Dexter (dexterous, skillful)
Quinlan (strong, well-formed, athletic)
Jack
Jasper
Nicky (sort of St. Nicholas – got him 2 days before Christmas)
Cola (a form of Nicholas)
Dunstan (name of a character from a book I like)
Findlay
Kalen (mighty warrior)
Montgomery
Remington

I'm having trouble posting more pictures today, but I'll try again later.

To my friends celebrating Christmas today, Merry Christmas! To those not celebrating, have a great day off!

Introducing....the namless kitten!!!

2006-12-23T19:14:00.000-05:00

So....here's the new little guy!

I adopted him this morning (if only baby adoption were as easy...) from the local animal services centre -- he's the cutest thing!!

About 2 months old, and currently nameless. He follows me around everywhere, and has climbed up my back to land on my shoulder. So far, he's all boy -- plays hard and sleeps like a rock. What a cutie!

All name suggestions are welcome -- just send your ideas!

Hoping for Jordyn

2006-12-15T15:12:00.000-05:00

Now that the laws are changing in China, I'm starting to worry about my adoption. I know I've been 'approved' by the Ontario government, but who knows what will happen across the world?
I miss my little Jordyn (even though she's not born yet) and want her to come home.

Let's keep hoping for good things, and for my little one to be waiting for her Mummy to come and get her before too long.

Could this month get any more depressing????

2006-12-13T17:57:00.000-05:00

Ok....first I have to put my cat to sleep, and then I get really sick, and haven't yet recovered. All I want to do is sleep. Then, I speak to the people at my adoption agency and they tell me that I'm now looking at an 18-24 month wait from LID (which is likely some point in October, although I don't have an exact date yet). This is starting to feel like it will never happen. The timelines are getting longer and longer, and life is getting more and more depressing waiting for this to happen.

I think I'm going to get a kitten. The house is too quiet and lonely since Tyler's been gone, and I need something little to take care of. While I wait for my Jordyn, that little something might as well be cute and furry.

If I end up getting a 'new addition', I'll post some pics next week.

Farewell to my precious Tyler...

2006-12-07T13:44:00.000-05:00

Hi all -- I haven't posted in a long time. Firstly, I had no new adoption news to share, and I still don't. Hoping to have an LID soon.

On November 22, 2006, I had to put my beloved cat, Tyler, to sleep. I adopted her from the Toronto Humane Society on November 3, 1991, at the age of 7 weeks and I've had her ever since. She had started to get really sick, and had lost lots of weight - at the end she was only 6 pounds, and really teeny. She was suffering from severe anemia (probably as a result of an undiagnosed cancer) and kidney failure.

I always knew when the time came that I'd put her to sleep. I know that animals don't ponder their own death, and that Tyler wouldn't be wondering if this visit to the vet would be 'the one', but it was still an incredibly painful and difficult decision. I stayed with her, and I'm very glad I did. She went very quickly and peacefully. The vet made a 'paw print' out of clay, and I was able to pick this up last week. I'll put it in a frame with a picture of her.

I've been so grateful to my many supportive friends and family during this really difficult time. I had a friend come to the final appointment with me, and then spend the day with me, nicely diverting my mind from the trauma (Thanks, Mar), and other friends who have been with me during some pretty major emotional crises (thanks Mikey, Rob, Mario, Andy, Ro, Cat, Marce, Sherrie -- actually, too many people to mention here, but if you're in my life, I'm pretty grateful to you right now!!!)Funny how during such a difficult time one can feel so lucky about other things.

I've been missing her so much. I'm so used to coming home and finding her running to meet me at the door, sleeping with me (on me!) at night, being generally noisy and making her presence known. (she was a pretty noisy girl!) I miss her watching me getting ready for work in the morning, mewing for her breakfast (and snacks) and getting a drink of water from the bathroom sink. It's absoluetly no fun coming home any more.

Here are some pictures of Tyler - -most of them taken during the last weekend of her life. My absolute favourite was taken about 5 years ago, when I had a pet photographer come to the house. It's the one with her sticking her tongue out -- hilarious!

A Doll For Jordyn

2006-10-02T12:06:00.000-04:00

I had a great weekend with friends in Stratford! A lovely B&B with amazing hosts, hiking, shopping, seeing a play, and general merriment. One of my finds was something I've been looking for -- an Asian doll for my Jordyn! I found one in this cool toy store. I know she won't be home for a long while, but it makes me so happy to buy the occassional thing for her. I think it's really important that she has some toys that look like her and this doll is the start of that collection!

DOSSIER TO CHINA!!!

2006-09-28T09:09:00.000-04:00

Another major milestone reached! I got a letter from FOI yesterday, telling me that my dossier had been couriered to China in September! (I'm not sure of the actual date). This is great, because I was initially thinking that it wouldn't go until December, so I'm 3 months ahead of schedule. yay!

All of this is great, considering that the letter included the "14-18 month wait for the referral of your child" information that I was hoping might be shorter. Anyway, I'm excited!

FOI included the names of the other families whose files were sent at the same time as mine, so maybe we can start getting to know each other, as we wait for our children. I'm the only single parent of the group, which is a bit surprising to me, but also okay. I'm looking forward to meeting the others in my 'travel group' and trying to make the next year and a half go quickly!

Now...to wait for the LID date (the date your dossier is logged in with the Chinese government) and then the waiting can officially, officially begin.

The Emotional Roller Coaster Rides Again...

2006-09-10T17:54:00.000-04:00

This adoption stuff is certainly a roller coaster ride. Just when I get my head wrapped around the provincial approval, I find out that it's likely an 18+ month wait from LID (the date your file is 'logged in' with the Chinese government) until referral. AHHHHH!!!

I was starting to tell myself that I might be lucky enough to travel in a year or so, but now that seems unlikely. I'm trying to be positive about the longer wait. More time to save money. More time to do another play (or 2 or 3 or 5). More time to spend with friends, stay out late, go away for the weekend at a moment's notice, eat popcorn for dinner if I want. These are all good things; things I enjoy, cherish, will miss for awhile when I have my baby at home.

The bottom line, though, is that I don't really want to have any more late nights, or weekends away at a moment's notice. What I want is my daughter home with me. I want to go for walks in the park. I want to bathe her. I want to read her favourite book over and over again. I want to sign her up for swimming lessons. I want to sit with her at the piano and make music.

Will this ever happen?

Provincial Approval!!!

2006-09-07T19:46:00.000-04:00

I just received an email from FOI stating that they have received my letter (dated Sept 5) of approval from the provincial government!!! Another milestone reached!!

Jamie from FOI tells me that he'll let me know when my dossier will be going to China -- I hope it's soon!!!

Yay!!!

(ok...too many exclamation points, I concur, but this is one of those 'exclamation point' moments.)

Stress.....

2006-09-06T15:46:00.000-04:00

This is the t-shirt I should be wearing lately every time I think of anything adoption related. There's nothing new to report, other than the rumours which have been floating around the internet, which state that China might close the 'singles' adoption program. There's talk that if one's dossier isn't logged in by January 2007 (where are they getting these figures??? And who are they???) then the single person's adoption wouldn't go through. On the positive side, these same rumours seem to say that if your dossier is logged in by that date, then you're likely okay.

My big problem right now is that my homestudy is still in the hands of the oh-so-slow Ontario government. I wrote to FOI (my agency) and the have told me that they're not sure of the validity of these rumours, and they'll hear from the Chinese government soon. According to them, they're expecting my dossier to make it out of the Ontario government by mid-October, and then to be sent to China in mid-November.

So...nothing I can do right now except wait, and buy the occasional cute thing at Winners for my little one. I just hope that my little one will someday actually exist and be with me here in Canada. I hope that all of this effort will pay off, and that I can still adopt my daughter from China.

A friend recently asked me if I would be 'okay' if the singles program was closed before I was able to adopt Jordyn. An interesting question. Of course, I'd have no choice but to be okay, and I guess there would be other options for adoption. Vietnam is opening up, and there are other places too.

The problem is that I feel very connected to China at this point. The culture is so rich and interesting, and I'm excited to learn more about it. I feel like my daughter is destined to come from there, and come home to me.

WELCOME MAYA SOFIA!

2006-08-25T18:17:00.000-04:00

A very special little girl entered our world on August 23, 2006, weighing 8lbs, 7 oz. She's the daughter of my very good friends Sherrie and Marcello, and we've all been waiting so long to meet her, I can't believe she's finally here!

I got a chance to meet her yesterday, and she's the sweetest girl ever. Absolutely gorgeous! I'm looking forward to doing so many things with her as she grows up -- playing, reading, learning, singing, and celebrating.

Maya will be Jordyn's first Canadian friend, and Marcello, Sherrie and I can't wait for our girls to grow and play together. Maya is already loved by so many people! I already miss her, but I'm looking forward to seeing her soon, and getting to know her. (The picture to the right is my first pic with Maya, taken by her proud mom!)

Congratulations to Marce, Sherrie, and all of the friends and family of Maya Sofia!

Jordyn's Name - Part 2

2006-08-24T09:26:00.000-04:00

After receiving the wall plaque from Aunt Cathy, I went to the CNE myself, with my family. It was tons of fun - food, games, cheesy midway music, all that good stuff.

In the Arts and Crafts building, I bought 2 more things for Jordyn, custom made with her name - I think we're officially done with 'name' things for awhile now!!

The bear will come to China with us - it's her first cuddle toy. The hand towel is also so adorable. It only took about 10-15 minutes for the stuff to be ready. Any of you out there who have named your child something unusual might want to check out Mary's Bears, who I bought these from!

Jordyn's Name

2006-08-22T22:38:00.000-04:00

This was the week of getting gifts with Jordyn's name on them! My friend Cathy had been to the CNE, and come over a few days later, all excited. She had the cutest gift for Jordyn - a plaque with her name on it! This is her very first gift that has her name written on it, and since the spelling is unusual, she may not have much luck finding things with her name. Cathy even had a ladybug put on it and it's already up on her wall. Thanks, Aunt Cathy!!

More relaxation!

2006-08-19T12:07:00.000-04:00

I spent Wednesday and Thursday up north at Rochelle's family cottage -- jokingly referred to as the 'fancy-schmancy cottage'. It's in a gorgeous location, on the lake, and is the opposite of roughing it. Catherine, Rochelle and I had a great time -- eating, reading in the hammock, having a (very) quick dip in the lake, and generally enjoying the last hurrah before the start of school.

On the way home on Thursday, we stopped at several artisans along the way. One of the places was Simon's glass blowing studio, where Cathy bought a lovely blue tumbler, which she's planning to use for a vase. We also tried to go to a guy who does iron works, but he wasn't there. On his property, however, there was the coolest tipi!!

It was huge, and we were able to go in. Notice the humungous garlic bulbs drying behind me.

A relaxing weekend! Made me think about how many of these I'll have when Jordyn comes home. Mind you, I love the thought of sharing these exciting things with her. Imagine her expression if she saw the giant tipi!

XPressPost to Ottawa!

2006-08-15T18:50:00.000-04:00

Gee....I really grasp at straws to make every little part of the process a milestone!

Today I finally sent the rest of my documents to FOI -- thanks Canada Post! The adoption agency will soon be in possession of my family photos, letter of request, copies of my passport, and a few other things which now slip my mind. The poor lady at the Post Office thought I was bonkers when I asked her to take a picture of me mailing the package. I didn't want to do it, but Rochelle reminded me of the ever present scrapbooking opportunities! I'll post the picture later.

Now...if only my homestudy would come back approved...and then the whole thing will get translated within a matter of hours....and then it will all go to China....and then I'll win the lottery....Wake up!

Ladybug Encounter

2006-08-12T14:33:00.000-04:00

Many of you know about the connection between the ladybug and Chinese adoption. I don't know why this symbol has become such a part of this process, but it is definitely a sign of good luck.

While walking on the beach on Thursday morning, I happened across a lovely ladybug out for a stroll! I know, I know, a bug on the beach -- who woulda thought it!?!? But this process is so slow, and sometimes so stressful, that I'll take any good luck charms that happen along the way. I like to think of these things as little 'pre-Jordyn' visits, just reminding me about her (not that I ever forget), and also as reminders to pay attention to things around me.

Thanks, Ladybug!!

Cottage Getaway for a Day!

2006-08-12T14:13:00.000-04:00

Firstly, an apology to friends who have been wondering why I haven't written in awhile. Basically, there's been nothing to say! I haven't yet heard from the Ministry about approval, so I'm still waiting for that. In the meantime, I've applied for my passport (which should arrive early next week), written my letter of request, and started taking the necessary pictures which must go to China as part of my dossier. Busy, yet nothing's happening!

I had the opportunity to go up to Rob's family cottage with Rob, Mike and Lorne. I was only there overnight, but it's amazing how being at a beach can be so healing and energizing!

The big surprise of the trip was on the way up...I was following Rob's excellent directions (go north...), and as I approached the cottage area, I noticed a red SUV behind me. The thing was trailing me for awhile, making me pretty paranoid, as I was getting to the point in the directions where full attention is required (turn at the post, just ahead you'll see a hobo...make a quick left). I decided to pull over to let the red beast pass...and when it didn't, I was somewhat miffed. A quick look to the left, and there was Rochelle and the kids!!! They were visiting a cottage on the same street as Rob's cottage. Hilarious coincidence!!

The beach was simply gorgeous. Hadn't had my feet in sand for ages -- a great feeling. At the end of the trip (Thursday morning, before I had to come back to the city), Michael and I went for a walk. He climbed this huge boulder, and was quite triumphant! Yay!
Michael might have more interesting things to say about our cottage visit. Check out his blog here.

Much thanks to Rob and Michael for welcoming me to the cottage -- I needed that!

Candice's Letter

2006-07-24T12:20:00.000-04:00

One of the best parts about the homestudy process was getting the reference letters from my friends. They all said such kind things, and reading them made me realize even more how many people Jordyn already has in her life. So many of our friends and family are waiting for her -- we're very lucky!

One letter, however, was a big surprise. My friend Candice, who is 11 years old, and the daughter of my good friends Rochelle and David, sent me a letter. I was thrilled, and amazed, because at that point, I hadn't even talked to any of my 'kid friends' about the adoption. Needless to say, I was touched to read this letter, and included it in my homestudy.

May 31, 2006

To Whom it May Concern,

Re: Cari

My name is Candice and I am 11 years old. I have known Cari almost my whole life. Here are the top 5 reasons that Cari would make a great mom:

1. She’s patient - she never minds waiting if we don’t understand.
2. She’s kind - she’s always really nice to my brother and I.
3. She’s helpful - she came to my house to help me prepare for an audition with only one days notice.
4. She’s caring - she cares about our opinions.
5. She’s fun - she came and made muffins with my brother and I, just because we told her we liked her muffins she made and sent to us.

My brother and I love Cari and can’t wait for her to be a mom. I even took the baby-sitting course so I can help her take care of her baby.

Thank you for helping Cari get her baby,

Candice

Little Pink Shoes...

2006-07-19T22:50:00.000-04:00

In celebration of my homestudy being sent to the Ministry, I went shopping! I bought little pink Keds running shoes ($1.00 -- how can you beat that??), a cute pair of denim overalls, and a fun long sleeved t-shirt, with a pumpkin on the front. It's the cutest outfit in the history of cute outfits (until the next one that I get...) Photos to follow, once I figure out how to get them onto the blog!(update -- I figured it out! Yay for me, and thanks to Michael who is a great teacher, and Rob, who took the photo.)

Some might think it's strange to buy clothing for a child who isn't even born yet, but to me it's the most natural thing. I bought the shoes for Jordyn, who will one day exist in China, and then will one day come home to me in Canada. Jordyn has things that are hers : a room, a dresser, a Fisher-Price stacking toy, and little pink shoes. She also has a mother in Canada, who already loves her very much, and can't wait until these shoes are properly muddied from splashing in puddles.

Milestone #2!!!!

2006-07-18T22:34:00.000-04:00

This is an excerpt from the email that I've just received from the adoption agency:

Dear Cari;

Your application to adopt a child from China has been sent to the Adoption Unit, Ministry of Children & Youth Services (MCYS) for review.

Yay!!! This is SO exciting. Okay, okay...so it will be from 4-7 weeks (according to further info in the email), but hey, this process takes forever, so every little thing is cause for celebration. I'd love to go and party, but it's late and I'm tired - a bowl of cereal for me and a cookie for the cat will have to do it for now.

A Mystery no Longer!

2006-07-18T12:29:00.000-04:00

So...the package never arrived, due to some addressing errors, but Dad finally caved and told me what he was trying to send me!
It's a copy of "I Love You Like Crazy Cakes", which is the story of a mom adopting a little girl from China. He picked it up at Winners, and decided that it would be the perfect gift for me -- he's right!
Dad now has the book in his possession (I don't think he'll EVER send anything again -- this was a very frustrating experience for him) and will keep it for me. My friends are travelling to Montreal in late August, and have promised to connect with Dad to bring the book home to me. Much advance thanks to Mario and David, of the Viva Italia Courier Service (offshoot of the Viva Italia Taxi Service).
I think it's so great that my dad is being supportive of this experience...so much so that he went to the trouble of sending a gift to me. Today he used Jordyn's name for the first time in conversation with me, which I love. I love when people talk about her using the name I've given her --it makes her much more real, for me, and for everyone else who will be in her life.

Dad's mystery

2006-07-16T21:44:00.000-04:00

The big mystery of the week is that my dad has sent something to me in the mail. It's gotten lost, returned to him, and re-sent (should arrive tomorrow), but he won't tell me what it is, and he's REALLY excited about it. It's just the cutest thing -- my dad is not one to send gifts in the post, but he assures me that I'll really love whatever this thing is, and I think he's more excited by sending it than I will be to receive it. Of course, after all the difficulties he had in sending the thing, I don't think he'll ever send another package, ever, but I'm looking forward to tomorrow's mail!

Always interesting...

2006-07-16T21:37:00.000-04:00

So...I got the email from Bob (at FOI) that I had been waiting for, and he wanted me to call him right away -- panic! (also, this was at 9:30 p.m. -- how late do these guys work?). When we spoke, he told me that I had never filled out a 'service contract' and that he would courier one right away. When it arrived, there were other forms to fill out, such as my medical form and my financial statement! Yikes! Weren't these already in my homestudy that I had sent? After a somewhat confused phone call, it turns out that these pages were merely overlooked, and that my panic was somewhat premature. (Mind you, this whole process seems to lend itself to panic. There's so much that I have no control over...the one thing I can control is my own panic!)
Anyway, I sent the necessary forms back to Bob right away, and I'm off to the bank tomorrow to 'move' some money around from account to account, so that I can start paying FOI their money. I'm starting to panic (there's that word again!) about money, but I'm hoping that it'll work itself out. These things always seem to, but in the moment it's no fun at all.

Homestudy to FOI!!

2006-07-11T16:32:00.000-04:00

Today was a 'milestone' day in this crazy adoption process. Ok...it's a teensy-tiny milestone, but a milestone nevertheless. My homestudy is now in the capable hands of Canada Post, and on its way to FOI in Ottawa! From there, it will go to the Ministry for Provincial approval, a process which I've heard can take up to 3 months here in good old Ontario. Let's hope this part goes quickly!

Ottawa

2006-07-03T13:32:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I went to the FOI Annual Get-Together in Ottawa -- so many people! It was at the Science and Technology Museum, which is a pretty cool place. My mission yesterday, though, was to meet some people with the agency. Mission accomplished!

I met Bob, who's always been so helpful on the phone and via email. He spent some time with me and my mom, explaning aspects of the trip. Some of Mom's concerns were allayed, such as 'how does one order in a restaurant?' Bob assures us that there is always someone with us in China and that they often do a big 'group order', knowing what kinds of food the western palate is used to.

I also met Jamie who was very nice, and gave impeccible directions back to Toronto. ( I realized that I knew how to get from Montreal, where I was visiting, to Ottawa, but not home again! A teensy oversight...)

We had a chat with Barb and her granddaughter Sadie (so cute!). Barb's daughter Jackie adopted Sadie as a single mom, and the grandparents went along for the journey. I think my mother was relieved to meet another grandparent who had gone on the trip! Barb said she spent lots of time babysitting, as Jackie was busy with lots of paperwork.

One potentially positive piece of news is that if my homestudy gets approved and ready before December (when my dossier is supposed to go to China), then it will go to China earlier! Mind you, it might only be one month early, but still, in this long process, everything helps! I'm likely still looking at an 18 month wait.

It was great to see so many people and their kids. I love that FOI does this annual event, and that so many people attend. It will be way more fun with Jordyn there.

Homestudy - the saga

2006-06-20T14:43:00.000-04:00

I went to Michael's (Social Worker's) office yesterday to read my homestudy. Really bizzare to read your life story compressed into a few pages! I thought he did a good job of 'capturing' my story, though.
Nothing in this process is simple, however, and there are some glitches. I have some 'questionable' material in my medical report, and according to the ever-helpful Bob at FOI (my agency) I need to have my doctor write a letter in support of my adoption. I'm going to see her on Thursday...hopefully, she won't have a problem writing the letter for me. I've even typed out a 'cheat sheet' of sorts for her, indicating what needs to be in the letter.
I'm also waiting for my letter from Dr. Kim, whose office swore to me that they mailed it last Monday. This one will state that I'm in a good, healthy state to adopt, despite my little cancer scare 6 years ago.
Another piece of paper I need is a 'guardianship letter' from friends who say they will take care of Jordyn in the event of my early demise. When is all of this supposed to happen, you ask? Well, soon it's summer, and the teachers of the world can spend time dealing with adoption papers and getting ready for the time when I'll forget all of this...when Jordyn is finally home.

The Picnic

2006-06-11T18:46:00.000-04:00

What a cool day....
An enjoyable afternoon at the FCC picnic - my first adoption related event! I felt a little weird walking around without a child (lurking, trying to figure out how to meet these new people), but everyone was so nice. Lots of encouragement from experienced moms and dads and reassurance that I will go to China some day to pick up my daughter. The system actually works and they have their gorgeous children to prove it.
The day was filled with lots of kite flying (extra cool kites too, like a 'Nemo' kite which flew for quite awhile), little girls blowing bubbles, which were then chased by other little girls (ok, I admit, I chased one too) and general picnic frivolity.
I bought a book from young author Emma, and had a good chat with her and her mom. Later in the afternoon, Emma's little sister Katie charmed my brother and I with her sunny personality and willingness to share in our treats (a smorgasboard of grape tomatoes, strawberries and mini carrots - yummy!!) Katie's dad was happy to share his daughter with us for a few minutes and talk about his experiences with his beautiful girls. Thanks!!
I also bought a couple of T-shirts (one for myself and one for my brother, who came with me today - thanks bro!) , a book, and 2 pairs of children's chopsticks. (so cute -- attached together at the top with a plastic animal). Both pairs, however, are going to chopstick challenged adults.
Just counted how much money I spent today...this kid stuff is expensive, and she's not even home yet! Oh, well, she's worth it. Just imagining reading "China in My Heart" to Jordyn....I would have spent double.

Waiting.....

2006-06-10T11:21:00.000-04:00

As I wait for my daughter, I want to record the experience. This blog will be my effort at writing and remembering the time I'm pursuing international adoption in China.
As of this date, I've had 4 meetings with my social worker for my homestudy, been fingerprinted by the RCMP, had a police check done by the Toronto police, had friends and family write reference letters, painted the baby's room ( a lovely yellow) and tried to remember why I'm doing all of this.
Although it doesn't seem like it at this point, everyone assures me that some day in the future, I will get a referral for my daughter. and then soon after, go to meet her and bring her home. It's a very long wait -- maybe 18 months from now. Everyone says it will go quickly, but I have my doubts.
There's one thing I know...that tiny yellow room in my small apartment, belongs to Jordyn. My daughter.