The Sweetest Words....

Usually, "I love you" are those words that take awhile to say and feel really comfortable with. DateBoy and I are past that part, and we say it, and mean it, all the time. Truly, it had been so long since I had heard these words that I wonder if I'll ever grow tired of hearing them now. I can't imagine getting tired of saying them!

It took us some time to come out with the big "I love you" moment, and DateBoy was braver than I in saying it first. I waited, as I wanted to be REALLY SURE that I meant it, and wasn't rushing into anything. I loved him a long time before I actually said it. I had visions of telling him for the first time in a really romantic setting (you know...candles, wine, gentle music in the background). In reality, I was sort of swept along while we installed a dimmer switch in my kitchen. It's always the little moments, isn't it?

Anyway, I heard words yesterday which were even more precious to me than "I love you". After a long productive day yesterday, sitting in front of the TV, DateBoy said "You're my best friend". Wow....and I realized that it's true and it's mutual. There's no one I'd rather spend time with. There's no one I have as much fun with. There's no one I laugh as much with. Best friends are precious. They're trusted with all of your deepest secrets, hopes, fears, joys and sorrows. Best friends are people you really want to spend time with. Best friends appreciate each other.

I never thought that I'd fall in love again, and I sure didn't think that when I did, I'd be so lucky as to find my best friend. Sometimes the universe is lined up just right.

9 Months LID -- Still No Labour Pains...

So...the dreaded 9 months LID arrives, with no baby in sight. The wait grows, as does my frustration and pain at not having my child home with me. Things have been so great for me lately....DateBoy is the most wonderful man ever, and I'm feeling things I've never felt before, nor ever hoped to feel. I'm beyond grateful for this time with him, and excited by what may be to come...

And yet, there's always a bit of emptiness, a bit of my life missing. It's always around this time of month that I rememeber lost babies and imagine what could have been. Allow myself to play the 'poor Cari' game for a few minutes. But then I remind myself to live in the moment as much as possible and to be grateful for the things I have. Incredible friends, who are more like family than family. Good health (and there were times that I didn't have this, so I know how important it is). A career which is fun and fulfilling. Work in the theatre, to satisfy the creative side of my life. DateBoy, who I love so much, and who I know loves me...the most special feeling I've ever experienced. And somewhere in the future...my daughter, who will one day read these blog entries and know how much she is loved and how much her mother is waiting for her to come home.

My New Favourite Gift for Kids!!

My new favourite gift for little ones is a CD called "Just for Me". It's a personalized CD, which is great for newborns and toddlers alike. All of the songs are educational and sing the child's name multiple times. It really makes kids feel special, and $1 from each CD sale goes to The Hospital for Sick Children, which as most people know is a world class hospital here in Toronto.

I got one for my little baby friend Maya, and she loves it!! Her parents are thrilled with it too. It's a pretty cool gift, as the books and clothes get a bit boring to purchase after awhile. At least this one is unique, fun, and really well produced. Click on the link in this post, or the link on my blog, and check them out!! I was amazed at the number of names that are available.

Now...off for a nap! (Rock-a-bye Cari, on the tree top) So...ok....maybe I got one for myself too!!

I've Been Tagged!!! (The Nickname Files...)

Well, I've been tagged by Rhonda (aka, 'Fluffy Pretzel') to reveal any nicknames that I may have. Ok....here goes!

Well, truth be told, technically, Cari is a nickname itself. My given name is "Carol", which I never liked, or felt connected to. Friends started calling me Cari when I was a child, but I didn't officially change it until university. Legally, I'm still Carol, but there are lots of documents now (credit cards, pay cheques) that have 'Cari'. I really like my name now!



Along with my 'regular' name, there's always the usual 'Care-Bear' sorts of things that folks named Carrie/Kerry/Cari/Karen/Carol/etc always get. I also get 'Cari-Cat' and 'Cari-Care' from some folks. My parents used to call me 'bear' when I was a baby, and that still creeps up now and again.

As for 'private' nicknames, other than the standard 'Sweetie', and 'Cutie', DateBoy and I are still too new to have other, more..um...interesting nicknames for each other. When we do.....I'll be sure to keep them to myself!!!

I now tag Kim, Catherine, and Julie.

Canada Day Fun!

Happy 140th Birthday, Canada!! Today was a nice day spent at the Family Outreach International picnic, which took place at Black Creek Pioneer Village. It's a cool place where the staff dress in period costumes, and there are blacksmiths, tinsmiths, and the like, all plying their trades for all to see. It's funny to see guests wandering around the place on cell phones, though....just like in days of yore. Seriously, people, put the damn phones away and just enjoy the day!!
Ok, rant over.

The picnic was fun -- I went with Tracey and her family. They've just received word that their referral will be in the next batch, so I'm sure that Tracey will be calm, cool, and collected for the upcoming days...NOT!!! I don't know how people deal with the last few days...brutal.

Anyway, tons of gorgeous kids and a yummy lunch was had by all. It's always nice to see families who have successfully gone through the adoption process, and have their children with them. I was at the picnic last year, and I was there this year. 2 picnics without my daughter. I wonder how many more? I'm thinking at least 2 more without her, which is wildly frustrating, but probably reality.

8 Months!

Add another ladybug to Jordyn's door -- today is 8 months since LID. Today I was wondering how many more months to go....could it be 20 more? 24 more? No one really seems to know, but today I am 8 months closer to my daughter. As DateBoy so eloquently put it today, I am two-thirds of a year there!

Tonight I went out for dinner with my friend Tracey, who at this point has 19 ladybugs on her door. Her referral will hopefully be included in this next batch, so we're sort of on pins and needles waiting for it. It's funny...it's difficult to be so far away from referral, and it's difficult for Tracey and her family to be so close. I think all of us in the adoption community have come to the conclusion that it's hard any way you look at it!

Tracey gave me the cutest little gift for Jordyn today -- an adorable T-shirt, with a ladybug on the front.


Note the close up of the ladybug on the pic on the right!


Thanks Tracey!! I'll be hoping and praying for good things for you this month!

SP Gifts!!!

Cute gifts from my Secret Pal!! This month's theme was 'Fun in the Sun' and my SP sent things that will be fun for the baby, and also for me!
An adorable bathing suit, and hooded towel/robe for Jordyn. And for me....cute tumblers, floaty candles and margarita mix!!! School's almost over, so the timing is just perfect -- thanks SP!!!
This whole SP thing makes the interminable wait a teensy bit easier (and even more fun).


Dexter approves of the gifts.

Thanks to everyone!

I've been having major adoption stress lately. Just feeling like I'm standing in a line that's never moving, and I might not get to the front of the line for 2-3 years yet. As my bloggy friends, and other fellow adopters know, it's incredibly frustrating and maddening. Most of us have been waiting for a child for many, many years, and now that documents have been sent and everything is done...we wait.
My last post was pretty depressing, and I recieved so many supportive comments from friends and strangers. It was awesome! The support in this community is like no other...so while this whole process sucks the life out of you, there are those moments that breathe it back in.
Thanks everyone.

Hitting the Wall?

I'm getting REALLY frustrated by the wait. I'm only 7 months logged in, and the current timing suggests that I'll be waiting until 2009, or even 2010 for my daughter. What if the China program closes? What if this NEVER happens?
I've even been toying with the idea of trying to get pregnant again, which tells you how incredibly stressed I've been lately. The idea of being pregnant is enough to make me nauseous (not in the good, morning sickness way) but what if my adoption never happens?
The people who are just getting their referrals this month were Logged In for about 18-19 months. I'd LOVE it if my wait was that short, but it seems to be around 24-30 months FROM NOW. This is the most frustrating, tortuous journey ever --
Sorry for the depressing post, but that's my day today.

It's A Small World...(sing along!)

Today was a really cool day! Through the wonderful world of blogging, I was able to reconnect with old friends of mine (T and J) from high school. They came across my blog by accident and got in touch. Turns out that they're also adopting from China, we have the same agency, and even used the same social worker! (cue the song and creepy Disney doll things)
We got together today (haven't seen each other for 20 years - yup, we're officially old) and had a lovely day. They prepared an AMAZING brunch for us (I brought DateBoy with me - -he went to high school with them too) and introduced us to their super boys, Little G and A-man. So cute!! We discussed all things adoption, caught up on the doings of old friends, and went for a walk at a local street fair.
It was so great to see my old friends....and I'm so excited for them because their referral is just around the corner! It won't come this month, but will likely (she said cautiously) come next month. Soon, Little Baby A will be seen by her family, and by friends new and old. I'm so thrilled that we've reconnected and that we have another friend to play with. Also, it's always nice to talk to those who truly understand what the long adoption road is like. Only those who have travelled this path really know what it's like.

I'm also stealing a cool idea from T. She's marked each passing LID month with a ladybug stuck to the baby's door, and I'm doing the same! (she gave me the rest of her ladybugs, hoping that she won't need anymore...well, maybe one more). These adorable bugs are from the dollar store, and my friend T has 18 on her door. I'm thinking that I might end up with 30, which is just too sad to contemplate. Right now, let's start with seven.

7 Months and Other Stuff

It's been a full month since I've blogged and my 7 month LID has crept up on me! It's funny how adoption time is much slower than real life time. I can't believe that it's almost the end of the school year (yay, because I'm getting tired, and my classroom is so hot that the children are melting) and that the summer is just around the corner. Where is my Jordyn? I'm a smidgen closer today, which is a good thing.

I've been super busy with TONS of theatre, and had a successful opening night last night. The other show that I was involved with is finally over, and I'm having a bit of post show withdrawl from that one. Anyway, onward to the next run!

I was so happy to meet other waiting (and present) moms at our fabulous dinner, where we had 23 moms and 3 gorgeous babies there. I had a great time and made some new friends. Always nice to meet others in the adoption world! I'm looking forward to the next dinner in July.

One surprise came in the mail the other day -- a gift from my secret pal! It's not 'secret pal' time, so this was a true surprise and I love it!



The other gift was a sticker which says "Adopting from China....It's like an elephant pregnancy...Only more paperwork. (...and a beautiful present at the end!)
Thanks SP -- I love my new stuff!

Happy 6 Months!

Is it happy?? Well, it's 6 months closer. How many more months to go? I MAY be a quarter of the way done by now. Who would have thought this would take so long....
Anyway, I know my Jordyn will be worth the wait.

A Day for Getting Spoiled...

If it doesn't rain, it pours! I also received my Cyber Shower gift today -- from Krista!! Thanks Krista -- the gifts are adorable. The theme for this month was also bath time, so including the things from my secret pal, I think Jordyn might almost be done for bath things.
Krista sent some washcloths, a really cute bath puppet (which my cat is trying to steal), and the most perfect hooded towel. I can't wait until there's a screaming, soaking wet baby to wrap up!
Thanks again Krista - I love everything!

A Special Delivery from my Secret Pal!

Man, oh man, what a perfect day to receive these amazing gifts! She was far too generous, but she found the most awesome things. I had to take 2 pics to make sure everything could be seen properly.



This picture shows the bath toy bag (with the cool ladybug and flower suction cups!), 8 washcloths, a bath spout cover (shaped like a happy star) and a rubber ducky (I've always secretly wanted one of these!)




The second picture shows some Huggies disposable wash cloths, nail clippers in the shape of a bumble bee (love these!!), bath squirter toys (how she found one with a ladybug in there, I'll never know...), stacking cups and my personal favourite, the comb and brush (the brush as a ladybug as the 'head')

Also very special was the card included in the gift -- the message was so lovely, I'd like to share it with everyone all of my friends who are slogging through the amazing world of International Adoption:

Here's to shortened wait times,
Good friends to keep us busy,
And the prospect of a giggling,
Happy baby splashing in the
Tub to make our lives complete!

An excellent sentiment -- I wish this for all of us!
Thanks again SP -- you rock!!

For Rob...

My dear friend Rob suddenly lost his mom yesterday. He has been such a good friend to me, and is being so brave in the face of this sudden death. Here are a couple of poems, one for him and one for his mom, that say things much better than I ever could.

Reaching Out

My heart is reaching out to you,
For what you’re going through;
I’m thinking of you frequently
And praying for you, too.

If there’s something I can do,
Anything at all,
Think of me thinking of you,
And don’t hesitate to call.

By Joanna Fuchs


The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám 21

Lo! some we loved, the loveliest and best
That Time and Fate of all their Vintage prest,
Have drunk their Cup a Round or two before,
And one by one crept silently to Rest.

Translated by Edward FitzGerald

Especially for Kathy

Thanks so much Kathy for the amazing changes to my blog! I love it -- it's so sweet and original -- like I hope my daughter will be one day!

I'm officially requesting that Kathy starts her own show on the learning channel -- Pimp My Blog. Anyone second the motion?

Thanks Kathy -- dinner's on me!

Some Babies Come By Plane

I was blog surfing and came across the site for this photographer, David J. Clapp. Check out the site, and find the link for "Some Babies Come By Plane" -- a gorgeous photo montage of beautiful girls from China. Enjoy!

Depressing News in the Adoption Community

Rumour has it that this months referrals comprise only 2 days. How is this possible???? So hard to believe. Chatter on the Rumor Queen site has people predicting that November's referrals (they're just finishing October 2005 now) will take an incredible 4 months to get through. At this rate, I won't be in China until more than 2 years from now. I don't want to leave the China program, but I might start 'looking at options'. Not that there are many options available to a soon to be single mom, but I have to do something so that my head doesn't explode.

Passover Party!!

Last night was a great time! I was invited over to Rhonda and Josh's place, where I met fellow bloggers Nic and Tim, and Dolores and Shawn, as well as Rhonda's mom and her sweetie.
We had such a nice time! It was great to meet fellow adoptive parents, and to bitch about the incessant waiting, and our experiences up to this point. We also discussed our jobs, theatre, travel and a variety of topics.
Rhonda and Josh were excellent hosts, and made an awesome dinner -- no mean feat during Passover! The main course was a delicious lasagne - check out their blog for the recipe. It tasted great!
It's becoming such an interesting adventure, this adoption. I never would have imagined making new friends before the baby came home. I had imagined I would meet lots of new people after becoming a mother, but not before. So, no matter how difficult this journey is, there are good things in it.

Confessions of a Negligent Blogger

Bless me Blogger, for I have not blogged....it's been more than a week since my last post. I have been one lazy girl when it comes to blogging - I'll try to be better!

So...last Friday I went for dinner with some other waiting single moms!


We had a great time at a Chinese Buffet and didn't stop talking for 4 hours. I met Catherine, Liz, and Mystery Mom R, who is keeping her identity a secret for the time being. Liz is going to get Ava in just 5 more days!! It's so unbelievably exciting -- I can't wait until she goes, and we can follow along in her blog.

A really sweet surprise were the gifts that both Catherine and Liz brought with them to the dinner. (I've got to get with it -- first Rhonda gave me that cute keychain, and now these gifts from Catherine and Liz -- got to stock up on gifts!)

Catherine gave us this great mug, which I love!

Funny how when you're drinking from a mug you like, the coffee tastes much better.

Liz brought the cutest things for Jordyn -- and the card she gave me was addressed to Jordyn, which I loved. There was a stuffed panda (Jordyn's first Panda), a pig door knob cover, and a pink bodysuit with a ladybug on it -- I can't wait until I have a little girl to dress up!


Thanks so much Catherine, Liz and Mystery Mom R!! It was great meeting you all - I hope we can keep in touch.