Another One Bites the Dust...

14 months down as of tomorrow.....we just keep on a-tickin. And a Merry Christmas for those of my bloggy friends who are celebrating today!

Out of Review!!

My files are out of review! That means that I'm one teensy step closer to Jordyn. Now, maybe it's only 2 more years to go! Who knew this would be so difficult?

Lucky?

I got nothin' to say, other than it's 13 months. Happy monthaversary to me.

C

12

Cue the 'Happy Anniversary' song from the Flintstones cartoon. Come on, you know you know it.
Tomorrow is 12 months since my LID. Has it been a long year or a short one? The last 6 months have gone more quickly, but I attribute it to the glorious distraction of DateBoy. I'm trying to handle the wait graciously, but I fear that I'm failing miserably in that area. Let's see what next year brings.

I miss Jordyn.

11 Months Came and Went

It was 11 months on the 26th. Not much to say about it -- it's getting sort of depressing, and a bit ridiculous to count every month, but I'm compelled to do it.

11 months closer.

Breakfast in America

I went to America on the weekend to meet up with my bloggy friends, Nic and Tim (and the amazing baby Z), and a bunch of new bloggy friends (I don't know how 'anonymous' they are, so for now they'll remain 'fun folk')

We had a great time at the Original Pancake House and I got lots of quality time with baby Z. Another family also had a lovely child, a beautiful girl we'll call 'Cutie'. She was right across from me, and we had lots of fun and jokes. What a sweetie she was!!

It was nice to get away with DateBoy for the day, and talk with others who know what this hellish wait is like.

I haven't written lately...nothing, but nothing, to say. Is this adoption still happening???

Double Digits

I've made it to a decade of months, and actually missed the date! It was on Sunday (today's Tuesday) and I'm feeling a teensy bit of 'mother guilt' at having missed the day. DateBoy tells me this is a good thing...means I'm not obsessing as much as usual! I guess he's right. I probably have at least 20 MORE months to go, so it's pretty frustrating to be going 'Yay!! 10 months!!' and feel like this is an accomplishment.

Well...happy 10 months to me! Let's hope that the next 20 just fly by! (Lame adoption humour....)

My Secret Pal Strikes Again!!

I had a lovely surprise today when the UPS guy showed up at my door with a big box!! (Truly, I'm like a 6 year old on Christmas. Well, Hannukah. Let's just say Halloween and split the difference)

This month's theme was 'something personal', which is always a bit tricky!! My SP read my blog and sent great things!! A picnic basket with plates, cups, cutlery, a bottle of sparkling water (she wanted to send wine, but customs laws being what they are, she sent the water!). Can't wait until I can use these things on a romantic picnic with DateBoy!! There were also great snacks for us and gifts for Dexter! The best part of the gift was the little handpainted sign for Jordyn's room. She even wrote a sweet note on the back, about how much Jordyn is wanted and loved.

Thanks SP -- you rock!!!!

The Sweetest Words....

Usually, "I love you" are those words that take awhile to say and feel really comfortable with. DateBoy and I are past that part, and we say it, and mean it, all the time. Truly, it had been so long since I had heard these words that I wonder if I'll ever grow tired of hearing them now. I can't imagine getting tired of saying them!

It took us some time to come out with the big "I love you" moment, and DateBoy was braver than I in saying it first. I waited, as I wanted to be REALLY SURE that I meant it, and wasn't rushing into anything. I loved him a long time before I actually said it. I had visions of telling him for the first time in a really romantic setting (you know...candles, wine, gentle music in the background). In reality, I was sort of swept along while we installed a dimmer switch in my kitchen. It's always the little moments, isn't it?

Anyway, I heard words yesterday which were even more precious to me than "I love you". After a long productive day yesterday, sitting in front of the TV, DateBoy said "You're my best friend". Wow....and I realized that it's true and it's mutual. There's no one I'd rather spend time with. There's no one I have as much fun with. There's no one I laugh as much with. Best friends are precious. They're trusted with all of your deepest secrets, hopes, fears, joys and sorrows. Best friends are people you really want to spend time with. Best friends appreciate each other.

I never thought that I'd fall in love again, and I sure didn't think that when I did, I'd be so lucky as to find my best friend. Sometimes the universe is lined up just right.

9 Months LID -- Still No Labour Pains...

So...the dreaded 9 months LID arrives, with no baby in sight. The wait grows, as does my frustration and pain at not having my child home with me. Things have been so great for me lately....DateBoy is the most wonderful man ever, and I'm feeling things I've never felt before, nor ever hoped to feel. I'm beyond grateful for this time with him, and excited by what may be to come...

And yet, there's always a bit of emptiness, a bit of my life missing. It's always around this time of month that I rememeber lost babies and imagine what could have been. Allow myself to play the 'poor Cari' game for a few minutes. But then I remind myself to live in the moment as much as possible and to be grateful for the things I have. Incredible friends, who are more like family than family. Good health (and there were times that I didn't have this, so I know how important it is). A career which is fun and fulfilling. Work in the theatre, to satisfy the creative side of my life. DateBoy, who I love so much, and who I know loves me...the most special feeling I've ever experienced. And somewhere in the future...my daughter, who will one day read these blog entries and know how much she is loved and how much her mother is waiting for her to come home.

My New Favourite Gift for Kids!!

My new favourite gift for little ones is a CD called "Just for Me". It's a personalized CD, which is great for newborns and toddlers alike. All of the songs are educational and sing the child's name multiple times. It really makes kids feel special, and $1 from each CD sale goes to The Hospital for Sick Children, which as most people know is a world class hospital here in Toronto.

I got one for my little baby friend Maya, and she loves it!! Her parents are thrilled with it too. It's a pretty cool gift, as the books and clothes get a bit boring to purchase after awhile. At least this one is unique, fun, and really well produced. Click on the link in this post, or the link on my blog, and check them out!! I was amazed at the number of names that are available.

Now...off for a nap! (Rock-a-bye Cari, on the tree top) So...ok....maybe I got one for myself too!!

I've Been Tagged!!! (The Nickname Files...)

Well, I've been tagged by Rhonda (aka, 'Fluffy Pretzel') to reveal any nicknames that I may have. Ok....here goes!

Well, truth be told, technically, Cari is a nickname itself. My given name is "Carol", which I never liked, or felt connected to. Friends started calling me Cari when I was a child, but I didn't officially change it until university. Legally, I'm still Carol, but there are lots of documents now (credit cards, pay cheques) that have 'Cari'. I really like my name now!



Along with my 'regular' name, there's always the usual 'Care-Bear' sorts of things that folks named Carrie/Kerry/Cari/Karen/Carol/etc always get. I also get 'Cari-Cat' and 'Cari-Care' from some folks. My parents used to call me 'bear' when I was a baby, and that still creeps up now and again.

As for 'private' nicknames, other than the standard 'Sweetie', and 'Cutie', DateBoy and I are still too new to have other, more..um...interesting nicknames for each other. When we do.....I'll be sure to keep them to myself!!!

I now tag Kim, Catherine, and Julie.

Canada Day Fun!

Happy 140th Birthday, Canada!! Today was a nice day spent at the Family Outreach International picnic, which took place at Black Creek Pioneer Village. It's a cool place where the staff dress in period costumes, and there are blacksmiths, tinsmiths, and the like, all plying their trades for all to see. It's funny to see guests wandering around the place on cell phones, though....just like in days of yore. Seriously, people, put the damn phones away and just enjoy the day!!
Ok, rant over.

The picnic was fun -- I went with Tracey and her family. They've just received word that their referral will be in the next batch, so I'm sure that Tracey will be calm, cool, and collected for the upcoming days...NOT!!! I don't know how people deal with the last few days...brutal.

Anyway, tons of gorgeous kids and a yummy lunch was had by all. It's always nice to see families who have successfully gone through the adoption process, and have their children with them. I was at the picnic last year, and I was there this year. 2 picnics without my daughter. I wonder how many more? I'm thinking at least 2 more without her, which is wildly frustrating, but probably reality.

8 Months!

Add another ladybug to Jordyn's door -- today is 8 months since LID. Today I was wondering how many more months to go....could it be 20 more? 24 more? No one really seems to know, but today I am 8 months closer to my daughter. As DateBoy so eloquently put it today, I am two-thirds of a year there!

Tonight I went out for dinner with my friend Tracey, who at this point has 19 ladybugs on her door. Her referral will hopefully be included in this next batch, so we're sort of on pins and needles waiting for it. It's funny...it's difficult to be so far away from referral, and it's difficult for Tracey and her family to be so close. I think all of us in the adoption community have come to the conclusion that it's hard any way you look at it!

Tracey gave me the cutest little gift for Jordyn today -- an adorable T-shirt, with a ladybug on the front.


Note the close up of the ladybug on the pic on the right!


Thanks Tracey!! I'll be hoping and praying for good things for you this month!

SP Gifts!!!

Cute gifts from my Secret Pal!! This month's theme was 'Fun in the Sun' and my SP sent things that will be fun for the baby, and also for me!
An adorable bathing suit, and hooded towel/robe for Jordyn. And for me....cute tumblers, floaty candles and margarita mix!!! School's almost over, so the timing is just perfect -- thanks SP!!!
This whole SP thing makes the interminable wait a teensy bit easier (and even more fun).


Dexter approves of the gifts.

Thanks to everyone!

I've been having major adoption stress lately. Just feeling like I'm standing in a line that's never moving, and I might not get to the front of the line for 2-3 years yet. As my bloggy friends, and other fellow adopters know, it's incredibly frustrating and maddening. Most of us have been waiting for a child for many, many years, and now that documents have been sent and everything is done...we wait.
My last post was pretty depressing, and I recieved so many supportive comments from friends and strangers. It was awesome! The support in this community is like no other...so while this whole process sucks the life out of you, there are those moments that breathe it back in.
Thanks everyone.

Hitting the Wall?

I'm getting REALLY frustrated by the wait. I'm only 7 months logged in, and the current timing suggests that I'll be waiting until 2009, or even 2010 for my daughter. What if the China program closes? What if this NEVER happens?
I've even been toying with the idea of trying to get pregnant again, which tells you how incredibly stressed I've been lately. The idea of being pregnant is enough to make me nauseous (not in the good, morning sickness way) but what if my adoption never happens?
The people who are just getting their referrals this month were Logged In for about 18-19 months. I'd LOVE it if my wait was that short, but it seems to be around 24-30 months FROM NOW. This is the most frustrating, tortuous journey ever --
Sorry for the depressing post, but that's my day today.

It's A Small World...(sing along!)

Today was a really cool day! Through the wonderful world of blogging, I was able to reconnect with old friends of mine (T and J) from high school. They came across my blog by accident and got in touch. Turns out that they're also adopting from China, we have the same agency, and even used the same social worker! (cue the song and creepy Disney doll things)
We got together today (haven't seen each other for 20 years - yup, we're officially old) and had a lovely day. They prepared an AMAZING brunch for us (I brought DateBoy with me - -he went to high school with them too) and introduced us to their super boys, Little G and A-man. So cute!! We discussed all things adoption, caught up on the doings of old friends, and went for a walk at a local street fair.
It was so great to see my old friends....and I'm so excited for them because their referral is just around the corner! It won't come this month, but will likely (she said cautiously) come next month. Soon, Little Baby A will be seen by her family, and by friends new and old. I'm so thrilled that we've reconnected and that we have another friend to play with. Also, it's always nice to talk to those who truly understand what the long adoption road is like. Only those who have travelled this path really know what it's like.

I'm also stealing a cool idea from T. She's marked each passing LID month with a ladybug stuck to the baby's door, and I'm doing the same! (she gave me the rest of her ladybugs, hoping that she won't need anymore...well, maybe one more). These adorable bugs are from the dollar store, and my friend T has 18 on her door. I'm thinking that I might end up with 30, which is just too sad to contemplate. Right now, let's start with seven.

7 Months and Other Stuff

It's been a full month since I've blogged and my 7 month LID has crept up on me! It's funny how adoption time is much slower than real life time. I can't believe that it's almost the end of the school year (yay, because I'm getting tired, and my classroom is so hot that the children are melting) and that the summer is just around the corner. Where is my Jordyn? I'm a smidgen closer today, which is a good thing.

I've been super busy with TONS of theatre, and had a successful opening night last night. The other show that I was involved with is finally over, and I'm having a bit of post show withdrawl from that one. Anyway, onward to the next run!

I was so happy to meet other waiting (and present) moms at our fabulous dinner, where we had 23 moms and 3 gorgeous babies there. I had a great time and made some new friends. Always nice to meet others in the adoption world! I'm looking forward to the next dinner in July.

One surprise came in the mail the other day -- a gift from my secret pal! It's not 'secret pal' time, so this was a true surprise and I love it!



The other gift was a sticker which says "Adopting from China....It's like an elephant pregnancy...Only more paperwork. (...and a beautiful present at the end!)
Thanks SP -- I love my new stuff!

Happy 6 Months!

Is it happy?? Well, it's 6 months closer. How many more months to go? I MAY be a quarter of the way done by now. Who would have thought this would take so long....
Anyway, I know my Jordyn will be worth the wait.