Another One Bites the Dust...

14 months down as of tomorrow.....we just keep on a-tickin. And a Merry Christmas for those of my bloggy friends who are celebrating today!

Out of Review!!

My files are out of review! That means that I'm one teensy step closer to Jordyn. Now, maybe it's only 2 more years to go! Who knew this would be so difficult?

Lucky?

I got nothin' to say, other than it's 13 months. Happy monthaversary to me.

C

12

Cue the 'Happy Anniversary' song from the Flintstones cartoon. Come on, you know you know it.
Tomorrow is 12 months since my LID. Has it been a long year or a short one? The last 6 months have gone more quickly, but I attribute it to the glorious distraction of DateBoy. I'm trying to handle the wait graciously, but I fear that I'm failing miserably in that area. Let's see what next year brings.

I miss Jordyn.

11 Months Came and Went

It was 11 months on the 26th. Not much to say about it -- it's getting sort of depressing, and a bit ridiculous to count every month, but I'm compelled to do it.

11 months closer.

Breakfast in America

I went to America on the weekend to meet up with my bloggy friends, Nic and Tim (and the amazing baby Z), and a bunch of new bloggy friends (I don't know how 'anonymous' they are, so for now they'll remain 'fun folk')

We had a great time at the Original Pancake House and I got lots of quality time with baby Z. Another family also had a lovely child, a beautiful girl we'll call 'Cutie'. She was right across from me, and we had lots of fun and jokes. What a sweetie she was!!

It was nice to get away with DateBoy for the day, and talk with others who know what this hellish wait is like.

I haven't written lately...nothing, but nothing, to say. Is this adoption still happening???

Double Digits

I've made it to a decade of months, and actually missed the date! It was on Sunday (today's Tuesday) and I'm feeling a teensy bit of 'mother guilt' at having missed the day. DateBoy tells me this is a good thing...means I'm not obsessing as much as usual! I guess he's right. I probably have at least 20 MORE months to go, so it's pretty frustrating to be going 'Yay!! 10 months!!' and feel like this is an accomplishment.

Well...happy 10 months to me! Let's hope that the next 20 just fly by! (Lame adoption humour....)

My Secret Pal Strikes Again!!

I had a lovely surprise today when the UPS guy showed up at my door with a big box!! (Truly, I'm like a 6 year old on Christmas. Well, Hannukah. Let's just say Halloween and split the difference)

This month's theme was 'something personal', which is always a bit tricky!! My SP read my blog and sent great things!! A picnic basket with plates, cups, cutlery, a bottle of sparkling water (she wanted to send wine, but customs laws being what they are, she sent the water!). Can't wait until I can use these things on a romantic picnic with DateBoy!! There were also great snacks for us and gifts for Dexter! The best part of the gift was the little handpainted sign for Jordyn's room. She even wrote a sweet note on the back, about how much Jordyn is wanted and loved.

Thanks SP -- you rock!!!!

The Sweetest Words....

Usually, "I love you" are those words that take awhile to say and feel really comfortable with. DateBoy and I are past that part, and we say it, and mean it, all the time. Truly, it had been so long since I had heard these words that I wonder if I'll ever grow tired of hearing them now. I can't imagine getting tired of saying them!

It took us some time to come out with the big "I love you" moment, and DateBoy was braver than I in saying it first. I waited, as I wanted to be REALLY SURE that I meant it, and wasn't rushing into anything. I loved him a long time before I actually said it. I had visions of telling him for the first time in a really romantic setting (you know...candles, wine, gentle music in the background). In reality, I was sort of swept along while we installed a dimmer switch in my kitchen. It's always the little moments, isn't it?

Anyway, I heard words yesterday which were even more precious to me than "I love you". After a long productive day yesterday, sitting in front of the TV, DateBoy said "You're my best friend". Wow....and I realized that it's true and it's mutual. There's no one I'd rather spend time with. There's no one I have as much fun with. There's no one I laugh as much with. Best friends are precious. They're trusted with all of your deepest secrets, hopes, fears, joys and sorrows. Best friends are people you really want to spend time with. Best friends appreciate each other.

I never thought that I'd fall in love again, and I sure didn't think that when I did, I'd be so lucky as to find my best friend. Sometimes the universe is lined up just right.

9 Months LID -- Still No Labour Pains...

So...the dreaded 9 months LID arrives, with no baby in sight. The wait grows, as does my frustration and pain at not having my child home with me. Things have been so great for me lately....DateBoy is the most wonderful man ever, and I'm feeling things I've never felt before, nor ever hoped to feel. I'm beyond grateful for this time with him, and excited by what may be to come...

And yet, there's always a bit of emptiness, a bit of my life missing. It's always around this time of month that I rememeber lost babies and imagine what could have been. Allow myself to play the 'poor Cari' game for a few minutes. But then I remind myself to live in the moment as much as possible and to be grateful for the things I have. Incredible friends, who are more like family than family. Good health (and there were times that I didn't have this, so I know how important it is). A career which is fun and fulfilling. Work in the theatre, to satisfy the creative side of my life. DateBoy, who I love so much, and who I know loves me...the most special feeling I've ever experienced. And somewhere in the future...my daughter, who will one day read these blog entries and know how much she is loved and how much her mother is waiting for her to come home.

My New Favourite Gift for Kids!!

My new favourite gift for little ones is a CD called "Just for Me". It's a personalized CD, which is great for newborns and toddlers alike. All of the songs are educational and sing the child's name multiple times. It really makes kids feel special, and $1 from each CD sale goes to The Hospital for Sick Children, which as most people know is a world class hospital here in Toronto.

I got one for my little baby friend Maya, and she loves it!! Her parents are thrilled with it too. It's a pretty cool gift, as the books and clothes get a bit boring to purchase after awhile. At least this one is unique, fun, and really well produced. Click on the link in this post, or the link on my blog, and check them out!! I was amazed at the number of names that are available.

Now...off for a nap! (Rock-a-bye Cari, on the tree top) So...ok....maybe I got one for myself too!!

I've Been Tagged!!! (The Nickname Files...)

Well, I've been tagged by Rhonda (aka, 'Fluffy Pretzel') to reveal any nicknames that I may have. Ok....here goes!

Well, truth be told, technically, Cari is a nickname itself. My given name is "Carol", which I never liked, or felt connected to. Friends started calling me Cari when I was a child, but I didn't officially change it until university. Legally, I'm still Carol, but there are lots of documents now (credit cards, pay cheques) that have 'Cari'. I really like my name now!



Along with my 'regular' name, there's always the usual 'Care-Bear' sorts of things that folks named Carrie/Kerry/Cari/Karen/Carol/etc always get. I also get 'Cari-Cat' and 'Cari-Care' from some folks. My parents used to call me 'bear' when I was a baby, and that still creeps up now and again.

As for 'private' nicknames, other than the standard 'Sweetie', and 'Cutie', DateBoy and I are still too new to have other, more..um...interesting nicknames for each other. When we do.....I'll be sure to keep them to myself!!!

I now tag Kim, Catherine, and Julie.

Canada Day Fun!

Happy 140th Birthday, Canada!! Today was a nice day spent at the Family Outreach International picnic, which took place at Black Creek Pioneer Village. It's a cool place where the staff dress in period costumes, and there are blacksmiths, tinsmiths, and the like, all plying their trades for all to see. It's funny to see guests wandering around the place on cell phones, though....just like in days of yore. Seriously, people, put the damn phones away and just enjoy the day!!
Ok, rant over.

The picnic was fun -- I went with Tracey and her family. They've just received word that their referral will be in the next batch, so I'm sure that Tracey will be calm, cool, and collected for the upcoming days...NOT!!! I don't know how people deal with the last few days...brutal.

Anyway, tons of gorgeous kids and a yummy lunch was had by all. It's always nice to see families who have successfully gone through the adoption process, and have their children with them. I was at the picnic last year, and I was there this year. 2 picnics without my daughter. I wonder how many more? I'm thinking at least 2 more without her, which is wildly frustrating, but probably reality.

8 Months!

Add another ladybug to Jordyn's door -- today is 8 months since LID. Today I was wondering how many more months to go....could it be 20 more? 24 more? No one really seems to know, but today I am 8 months closer to my daughter. As DateBoy so eloquently put it today, I am two-thirds of a year there!

Tonight I went out for dinner with my friend Tracey, who at this point has 19 ladybugs on her door. Her referral will hopefully be included in this next batch, so we're sort of on pins and needles waiting for it. It's funny...it's difficult to be so far away from referral, and it's difficult for Tracey and her family to be so close. I think all of us in the adoption community have come to the conclusion that it's hard any way you look at it!

Tracey gave me the cutest little gift for Jordyn today -- an adorable T-shirt, with a ladybug on the front.


Note the close up of the ladybug on the pic on the right!


Thanks Tracey!! I'll be hoping and praying for good things for you this month!

SP Gifts!!!

Cute gifts from my Secret Pal!! This month's theme was 'Fun in the Sun' and my SP sent things that will be fun for the baby, and also for me!
An adorable bathing suit, and hooded towel/robe for Jordyn. And for me....cute tumblers, floaty candles and margarita mix!!! School's almost over, so the timing is just perfect -- thanks SP!!!
This whole SP thing makes the interminable wait a teensy bit easier (and even more fun).


Dexter approves of the gifts.

Thanks to everyone!

I've been having major adoption stress lately. Just feeling like I'm standing in a line that's never moving, and I might not get to the front of the line for 2-3 years yet. As my bloggy friends, and other fellow adopters know, it's incredibly frustrating and maddening. Most of us have been waiting for a child for many, many years, and now that documents have been sent and everything is done...we wait.
My last post was pretty depressing, and I recieved so many supportive comments from friends and strangers. It was awesome! The support in this community is like no other...so while this whole process sucks the life out of you, there are those moments that breathe it back in.
Thanks everyone.

Hitting the Wall?

I'm getting REALLY frustrated by the wait. I'm only 7 months logged in, and the current timing suggests that I'll be waiting until 2009, or even 2010 for my daughter. What if the China program closes? What if this NEVER happens?
I've even been toying with the idea of trying to get pregnant again, which tells you how incredibly stressed I've been lately. The idea of being pregnant is enough to make me nauseous (not in the good, morning sickness way) but what if my adoption never happens?
The people who are just getting their referrals this month were Logged In for about 18-19 months. I'd LOVE it if my wait was that short, but it seems to be around 24-30 months FROM NOW. This is the most frustrating, tortuous journey ever --
Sorry for the depressing post, but that's my day today.

It's A Small World...(sing along!)

Today was a really cool day! Through the wonderful world of blogging, I was able to reconnect with old friends of mine (T and J) from high school. They came across my blog by accident and got in touch. Turns out that they're also adopting from China, we have the same agency, and even used the same social worker! (cue the song and creepy Disney doll things)
We got together today (haven't seen each other for 20 years - yup, we're officially old) and had a lovely day. They prepared an AMAZING brunch for us (I brought DateBoy with me - -he went to high school with them too) and introduced us to their super boys, Little G and A-man. So cute!! We discussed all things adoption, caught up on the doings of old friends, and went for a walk at a local street fair.
It was so great to see my old friends....and I'm so excited for them because their referral is just around the corner! It won't come this month, but will likely (she said cautiously) come next month. Soon, Little Baby A will be seen by her family, and by friends new and old. I'm so thrilled that we've reconnected and that we have another friend to play with. Also, it's always nice to talk to those who truly understand what the long adoption road is like. Only those who have travelled this path really know what it's like.

I'm also stealing a cool idea from T. She's marked each passing LID month with a ladybug stuck to the baby's door, and I'm doing the same! (she gave me the rest of her ladybugs, hoping that she won't need anymore...well, maybe one more). These adorable bugs are from the dollar store, and my friend T has 18 on her door. I'm thinking that I might end up with 30, which is just too sad to contemplate. Right now, let's start with seven.

7 Months and Other Stuff

It's been a full month since I've blogged and my 7 month LID has crept up on me! It's funny how adoption time is much slower than real life time. I can't believe that it's almost the end of the school year (yay, because I'm getting tired, and my classroom is so hot that the children are melting) and that the summer is just around the corner. Where is my Jordyn? I'm a smidgen closer today, which is a good thing.

I've been super busy with TONS of theatre, and had a successful opening night last night. The other show that I was involved with is finally over, and I'm having a bit of post show withdrawl from that one. Anyway, onward to the next run!

I was so happy to meet other waiting (and present) moms at our fabulous dinner, where we had 23 moms and 3 gorgeous babies there. I had a great time and made some new friends. Always nice to meet others in the adoption world! I'm looking forward to the next dinner in July.

One surprise came in the mail the other day -- a gift from my secret pal! It's not 'secret pal' time, so this was a true surprise and I love it!



The other gift was a sticker which says "Adopting from China....It's like an elephant pregnancy...Only more paperwork. (...and a beautiful present at the end!)
Thanks SP -- I love my new stuff!

Happy 6 Months!

Is it happy?? Well, it's 6 months closer. How many more months to go? I MAY be a quarter of the way done by now. Who would have thought this would take so long....
Anyway, I know my Jordyn will be worth the wait.

A Day for Getting Spoiled...

If it doesn't rain, it pours! I also received my Cyber Shower gift today -- from Krista!! Thanks Krista -- the gifts are adorable. The theme for this month was also bath time, so including the things from my secret pal, I think Jordyn might almost be done for bath things.
Krista sent some washcloths, a really cute bath puppet (which my cat is trying to steal), and the most perfect hooded towel. I can't wait until there's a screaming, soaking wet baby to wrap up!
Thanks again Krista - I love everything!

A Special Delivery from my Secret Pal!

Man, oh man, what a perfect day to receive these amazing gifts! She was far too generous, but she found the most awesome things. I had to take 2 pics to make sure everything could be seen properly.



This picture shows the bath toy bag (with the cool ladybug and flower suction cups!), 8 washcloths, a bath spout cover (shaped like a happy star) and a rubber ducky (I've always secretly wanted one of these!)




The second picture shows some Huggies disposable wash cloths, nail clippers in the shape of a bumble bee (love these!!), bath squirter toys (how she found one with a ladybug in there, I'll never know...), stacking cups and my personal favourite, the comb and brush (the brush as a ladybug as the 'head')

Also very special was the card included in the gift -- the message was so lovely, I'd like to share it with everyone all of my friends who are slogging through the amazing world of International Adoption:

Here's to shortened wait times,
Good friends to keep us busy,
And the prospect of a giggling,
Happy baby splashing in the
Tub to make our lives complete!

An excellent sentiment -- I wish this for all of us!
Thanks again SP -- you rock!!

For Rob...

My dear friend Rob suddenly lost his mom yesterday. He has been such a good friend to me, and is being so brave in the face of this sudden death. Here are a couple of poems, one for him and one for his mom, that say things much better than I ever could.

Reaching Out

My heart is reaching out to you,
For what you’re going through;
I’m thinking of you frequently
And praying for you, too.

If there’s something I can do,
Anything at all,
Think of me thinking of you,
And don’t hesitate to call.

By Joanna Fuchs


The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám 21

Lo! some we loved, the loveliest and best
That Time and Fate of all their Vintage prest,
Have drunk their Cup a Round or two before,
And one by one crept silently to Rest.

Translated by Edward FitzGerald

Especially for Kathy

Thanks so much Kathy for the amazing changes to my blog! I love it -- it's so sweet and original -- like I hope my daughter will be one day!

I'm officially requesting that Kathy starts her own show on the learning channel -- Pimp My Blog. Anyone second the motion?

Thanks Kathy -- dinner's on me!

Some Babies Come By Plane

I was blog surfing and came across the site for this photographer, David J. Clapp. Check out the site, and find the link for "Some Babies Come By Plane" -- a gorgeous photo montage of beautiful girls from China. Enjoy!

Depressing News in the Adoption Community

Rumour has it that this months referrals comprise only 2 days. How is this possible???? So hard to believe. Chatter on the Rumor Queen site has people predicting that November's referrals (they're just finishing October 2005 now) will take an incredible 4 months to get through. At this rate, I won't be in China until more than 2 years from now. I don't want to leave the China program, but I might start 'looking at options'. Not that there are many options available to a soon to be single mom, but I have to do something so that my head doesn't explode.

Passover Party!!

Last night was a great time! I was invited over to Rhonda and Josh's place, where I met fellow bloggers Nic and Tim, and Dolores and Shawn, as well as Rhonda's mom and her sweetie.
We had such a nice time! It was great to meet fellow adoptive parents, and to bitch about the incessant waiting, and our experiences up to this point. We also discussed our jobs, theatre, travel and a variety of topics.
Rhonda and Josh were excellent hosts, and made an awesome dinner -- no mean feat during Passover! The main course was a delicious lasagne - check out their blog for the recipe. It tasted great!
It's becoming such an interesting adventure, this adoption. I never would have imagined making new friends before the baby came home. I had imagined I would meet lots of new people after becoming a mother, but not before. So, no matter how difficult this journey is, there are good things in it.

Confessions of a Negligent Blogger

Bless me Blogger, for I have not blogged....it's been more than a week since my last post. I have been one lazy girl when it comes to blogging - I'll try to be better!

So...last Friday I went for dinner with some other waiting single moms!


We had a great time at a Chinese Buffet and didn't stop talking for 4 hours. I met Catherine, Liz, and Mystery Mom R, who is keeping her identity a secret for the time being. Liz is going to get Ava in just 5 more days!! It's so unbelievably exciting -- I can't wait until she goes, and we can follow along in her blog.

A really sweet surprise were the gifts that both Catherine and Liz brought with them to the dinner. (I've got to get with it -- first Rhonda gave me that cute keychain, and now these gifts from Catherine and Liz -- got to stock up on gifts!)

Catherine gave us this great mug, which I love!

Funny how when you're drinking from a mug you like, the coffee tastes much better.

Liz brought the cutest things for Jordyn -- and the card she gave me was addressed to Jordyn, which I loved. There was a stuffed panda (Jordyn's first Panda), a pig door knob cover, and a pink bodysuit with a ladybug on it -- I can't wait until I have a little girl to dress up!


Thanks so much Catherine, Liz and Mystery Mom R!! It was great meeting you all - I hope we can keep in touch.

5 Months LID!

Gee, it seems like just a month ago I was blogging about being 4 months LID, and here's it is....5 months!! Oh, yeah, it was a month ago.

I can't decide if this waiting is now going slowly or quickly. When I found out last week that I had only 19 months left on my car lease, I said "Wow-I can get a new car pretty soon!" But when I think about Jordyn in 19 months (ok, so this is my optimistic week -- but maybe in 19 months I can at least think about a referral) I think that it's forever.

Well, every month is one month closer. Positive thinking...positive thinking....what was my new mantra again? Wait, hope, dream, repeat...

What to do with Rotten Bananas

Bake Banana Chocolate Chip muffins of course!!! I'm not much of a baker, but every now and again, the baking muse bites, and I must submit. So...I sifted, and measured, and smashed horribly rotten bananas (they had attitude like you wouldn't believe) and voila! The kitchen smells yummy. And it's all nice and clean, because, while I'm not a neat freak by any stretch, I do like to 'clean as I go' when cooking.

But I really, really can't wait until this kitchen is a huge disaster, because I'm baking with a little girl. Because she's doing the stirring and measuring and getting flour and eggs everywhere. Because baking with a little girl is so much more fun than baking alone.

My Latest Internet Obsession...Puzzling

I love puzzles. Word puzzles, jigsaw puzzles, logic puzzles, you name it, I'm your puzzle girl (except for that damn Sudoko -- can't do those, and I've officially given up).
I was internet browsing one day, and came across this really cool site! The puzzles have all of these wild cuts (this is not your grandma's jigsaw, that's for sure!) and lots of different themes to choose from. My favourite cut is the '70 piece Bulbs' one -- extra fun!! There's even a ladybug puzzle, for those who believe that all ladybug sightings count, even ones in puzzles! Enjoy!

(could this posting have more exclamation marks?!?)

My Carnival Adventure!

Well, no, it's not as exciting as you might think. I've just joined the Crazy Hip Mamas Webring, and their latest 'challenge' was to pick a random blog and visit, then tell others about it.

I came across Amber's site called Crazy Bloggin Canuck (yes, you heard me...CANUCK). The first random blog I come across is written by a fellow Canadian, albeit from the USA. It's okay...I'll forgive her! Her blog is awesome -- cool graphics, and hilarious stories and pics of her kids and family. Particularly liked the potty training story. Her writing is too funny!!! (and the pictures that she's added don't hurt either.) Can't wait til I have Jordyn at home and can write about my own traumas in these departments!!

Thanks Amber -- I'll be visiting again!

The Meeting of the Giant and the Sprout

An historical moment occurred tonight -- the meeting of the 'Giant' and the 'Sprout'. I had dinner with Rhonda and Josh tonight, and as we had never met in person, and in lieu of red carnations in lapels, I described myself as 5 feet tall (the sprout in the story). Rhonda told me that she was very tall (the Giant), but not a giant at all -- just a very elegant woman!
She and Josh were lovely -- it's so nice to meet people with whom you've only chatted online -- a little bit like a blind date too!
Despite the many problems that Rhonda had with her dinner (how many ways can they screw up Salmon? Well...when they bring out chicken, that's a big problem) we had a nice time and a good chat. All about adoption stuff, and other stuff as well (which is always nice -- good to get out of adoption mode once in awhile).
And...so generous!! Rhonda gave me this keychain




(I know the pic is a bit blurry, but couldn't seem to get it any clearer). The writing means 'good luck' or 'good fortune' which I know we can all use a lot of! Thanks so much R and J!! Looking forward to getting to know you both better as the time goes along

Visual DNA

Ok, so I hopped on the Visual DNA bandwagon -- here it is!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

A Letter for my Daughter

I was cleaning out some old paperwork and came across this letter that I wrote to Jordyn this past August. I was at a friend's cottage, and was just enjoying the sun and fresh air -- this is what I wrote:


Dear Jordyn,

Today, a butterfly came to visit. I watched it flying on the beach, and it looped and flopped in great circles. She must have been tired, because she came and sat on a clump of grass right beside me. As she caught her breath, I had a chance to take a good look -- a beautiful Monarch, black and orange, with the most delicate specks of white.
One day, you will see such a butterfly, and I bet you'll chase it. Maybe you'll call it - "Come here, Butterfly, and play with me!" I'll remind you to be gentle, that butterflies don't particularly like playing with little girls. You'll say, "Oh, Mama, I'm always gentle."
I'll teach you about butterflies. How they start out as caterpillars, rest in their cocoons for awhile, and then emerge as butterflies. You'll say, "How do they do that Mama? Why?" I'll tell you it's the way they are.
I won't tell you yet that little girls are like butterflies too. When you come home to me, you will be transforming from a caterpillar into a butterfly. What kind will you be?
I won't tell you yet that little girls in Canada are lucky, because they can become caterpillars and butterflies many, many times in their lives. I hope I can teach you how to move slowly and cautiously, like a caterpillar. How to take time to rest, think, and change. How to emerge as a beautiful butterfly time and time again, as you grow from baby, to child to woman.
I'm going to watch butterflies a lot more carefully from now on.

Love, Mama

A New Look

I decided the blog needed a makeover, so I chose a new template. What do we think? I'm going to leave it for a couple of days, and see if I like it. Opinions are welcome.

My New Mantra

I saw this great picture on someone else's blog. The mantra of adoption: Wait, Hope, Dream. Will I ever be holding Jordyn in my arms?

Oh yeah....Wait, Hope, Dream, (Repeat)Wait, Hope, Dream....

Shopping in America!

I went to Buffalo today (well, technically Niagara Falls, but everybody tends to say 'Buffalo'). Did lots of shopping with my good friends, and fellow teachers, Rochelle and Cathy. We even got to pass Fantasy Island and shout out "Fun, Wow!!" Does anyone except Rochelle and me remember this commercial??? Always seemed like the coolest place to go -- actually kind of depressing when you pass by.

Before any of my Canadian friends slam me for spending my hard earned cash over the border, I'm an honourable Canadian, and claimed my purchases. Still think I saved some money, though! I bought a black dress for an upcoming soiree (very elegant, very pretty), a couple of watches, and some fun stuff for Jordyn.

My favourite outfit is the adorable denim skirt and top -- The Children's Place rocks!! Amazing sale racks -- I didn't spend more than $3.99 per item, and only .99 for a couple of things.




I also found these Pampers "Pocket Bibsters", which are not the most environmentally friendly thingys, but seem like they'd be great for travel to China.


I really hope that I'll get to use these things some day. I know that some people think I'm jinxing myself by buying things for my child, but it makes me happy. I've had so much bad luck with baby stuff at this point, that I really doubt that my purchasing anything for my daughter will have any impact on the universe. And really....who cares? It makes me happy and makes the endless months of waiting go by a teensy bit faster if I buy the occassional thing.

A Delivery for Jordyn!

So...when you're pregnant, the situation is generally obvious to all. Well-wishers abound, gifts and blessings for the coming arrival are bestowed, and generally, people feel happy just looking at you. In the adoption world, things are different. We have babies coming....but know one knows. We are 'pregnant' in our minds; expectant parents in every sense of the word. We are expecting a little person to be in our homes at some point. We are expecting a long and ardous journey to get there. We are expecting our friends and family to be patient with us as we learn about how to create our families in what might be a new and unique way to most of us.

In order to make this ride much more pleasant, the various adoption groups create 'secret pal' gift exchanges, and 'virtual' baby showers. I just participated in my first shower with my DTC group!!! (for the uninitiated, DTC is "Dossier to China" - the time that our documents were sent to China. Mine were sent in September 2006, and the group includes Americans, Canadians and Europeans. The internet is a wonderful thing!) The theme was "Prince or Princess" (or anything royalty related) and the idea was to send your partner an appropriate gift to arrive before today. There is even a 'virtual' shower in our chatroom, although I don't know if I'll be able to participate in it.

Yesterday, a delivery came for Jordyn...a sweet bib which says 'Princess' on it. So lovely. I'm not much of a 'princess-y' kind of girl myself, but the gift is so cute, and came from a sweet person in the States who I know went through a lot of trouble to get this gift here on time. So....thanks Malia!! I can't wait until my Jordyn messes this up!!!

4 Months since LID!

Today is 4 official months since LID. 4 months closer to my daughter.

I'm considering it the start of Trimester 2 (of 6.....)

Dr. Destructo

Dexter up a tree

Dexter has turned into a one-cat destruction derby. His latest thing is destroying my plant, although today reached new heights when he actually knocked the thing over. In retalliation, I decided to (a) get out the water and spray him when he approaches the plant and (b) have him neutered. I don't really think that one has to do with the other, but hey....couldn't hurt!

Jungle Cat




The Aftermath

Happy Chinese New Year!

Happy Chinese New Year!! I'm hoping to learn more about this beautiful celebration as I go along on my journey to meet Jordyn. According to China Sprout "It is traditional to hang Chinese New Year Greeting Couplets, such as these, around the door of one’s house during the Chinese New Year. These three-piece couplet sets feature traditional greetings and good wishes for things such as a very lucky year, good health and prosperity. Decorate your family’s home for the New Year the same way that millions of Chinese people do throughout the world. These are truly “must have” items for the Chinese New Year, and they’re easy to use: simply hang the two long couplets vertically on each side of the door, and the short one horizontally across the top of the door."
I'm not feeling hugely 'festive' at the moment, considering how far away my baby is. However, I'll keep learning, and maybe I'll have a little Chinese New Year party next year, in anticipation of good things to come. For those of you celebrating Chinese New Year, enjoy!

Dexter Goes to School!

This is a picture from my school website, taken on the day I brought Dexter to school to meet my students! He's just such a munchkin (although my hands and arms are filled with 'Dexter Love" i.e. scratches) and such a cutie.
He's become quite the topic of conversation in my classroom, the children always asking how Dexter is doing, and if he's being a good boy. They enjoy the tales of his antics, and my dealings with his behaviours.

Our most interesting Dexter behaviour is his sucking. Apparently, he was taken from his mother too early, and he has a serious oral fixation. At least once a day, he MUST suck on my neck, hands, face...he's not picky. As long as it's Mommy's skin, he's a happy boy. Needless to say, while cute, this is not the most welcoming thing to wake up to at 5am. Oh well.....at least if I say that my cat sucks, I'm not being offensive.

LID....Finally!!!

Just got an email from Bob at FOI -- I finally have an LID!!!! It's October 26, 2006. I'm already 3 months post LID!!!

I can now officially join those who say that they are 'paper pregnant' -- I think I'm starting to feel a bit of morning sickness :)

Now...to wait for the longest gestation period in the world.....elephant like. Here's to waiting for good things!

Excitement in Saskatchewan!

I know I haven't posted in ages, but I've truly had nothing to say. My adoption is just sort of hanging there, like a weird foggy cloud, and isn't moving at all. I'll likely wait 2 years from this point, which is more frustrating than I can articulate at this time. However, good things do happen.....

Kim finally got her referral for Channing!!! We're all so excited for her! Her new daughter is just gorgeous -- check out her blog linked to mine. It's a neat thing to be so excited and moved to see a little person you've never met, and likely never will. It's amazing to feel so connected to Kim, who's way out in the Prairies (where I've never been!). Another single mom, who got to see her sweet daughter's face for the first time today. It was so lovely to read her blog, and then see all the messages of support from around the country. I hope Kim gets her travel approval soon -- I think she'll be going with Dan and Kelly, who also recently got a referral for their handsome boy, Aiden. (check out their blog too!)

While you're checking out the links, stop by Carolyn and Marvin's blog -- they're in China right now, having met their daughter Kennedy on my birthday! It was a great gift for me to check into their blog and see their photos. They live in PEI and I know they're looking forward to getting home soon. Their munchkin is adorable and has the sweetest giggle I've heard in a long time (they've posted some great video)

I'd like to say an official 'thanks' to all of my 'bloggy' friends, who have been so generous in posting their pictures and experiences. It makes this arduous journey a teensy bit easier, knowing that at the end of the road, I'll have my precious Jordyn with me, and I'll be able to post her giggles for the world to hear too.

Paula Zahn and the CNN Fiasco

Did anyone watch the CNN piece on Chinese adoption? It was supposed to be about the new laws and how they will affect prospective adoptive parents. The clip was part of a larger episode about discrimination. Is it okay to reject parents because they're overweight? Because they are single? Because they have a 'facial deformity'?

The panel discussion was a joke. It quickly dissolved into a 'why are people so obsessed with chinese babies?' opinion poll. Why aren't people adopting babies from the States? Apparently, we adoptive parents want little 'porcelain China dolls' who will be smart and grow up to be doctors. We want Chinese babies because their 'health is so good'.

The Chinese adoption community is now in quite an uproar. CNN is going to get lots of nasty emails questioning the validity of their erroneous statements. A lot of people are very angry and offended.

Personally, I would have loved to adopt domestically, but was told that as a single mother, to 'forget about it'. If I want a chance to have a baby, then foreign adoption is the way to go, and the Chinese system is very predictable. (well, as predictable as adoption ever gets!)

I want to have a child. I want to raise a baby to be a productive, happy adult. I would have loved for that child to be Canadian born, but that's very unlikely. I would have looked at the USA for an infant, but the adoption costs are double that of what I will spend for China.

Do I expect my Chinese daughter to be perfect, angelic, healthy, brilliant. Well, sure...we all have these dreams for our kids, whether we give birth to them or not. The bottom line is that I will accept my daughter for whoever she is: her health problems, should she have them, will be dealt with. We'll adapt to any behavioural problems she might have. If she's extremely bright, I'll be very proud - if not, I'll get her a tutor, and encourage her to work up to her potential, whatever that might be. My child will be who she is...and I'll love her no matter what.

Referral Time and other ramblings...

I'm starting to understand this whole 'referral time' thing! A lucky group of parents (who have been waiting around 16 months since LID) got their referrals yesterday, and they finally have pictures and information of their beautiful children! It's so exciting to read their blogs and see the pics of the new children, and to know that they've been waiting FOREVER (that's how it feels) to see their children. Check out the Rumor Queen website to see links to some families who have posted pictures.

I was telling a friend today that adoption is like being pregnant for years, and never knowing when or if you might go into labour. I think of Jordyn CONSTANTLY - and people telling me 'not to think about it' isn't helpful. I've been waiting for this child for years and years. I've been waiting to become a mother for a long, long time. The first time I got pregnant was more that 11 years ago. If you count the years of planning and thinking and dreaming about having a child, I've been waiting more 15 years for this child. After 2 miscarriages, and much decision making, I'm now travelling to China for my daughter, who I already love so much. I hope that one day, I'll be able to post my referral pictures of my baby, and know that I'll be going to meet her soon.

Jordyn's Baby Registry

There's been so much stress with this whole adoption process that I've had a difficult time realizing that I'm actually going to have a baby. I don't know exactly when, but at some point, there will be a little person in this house.

I think dealing with all of this stress and having such a lack of control over the entire process can take some of the joy out of the baby world. So...I decided to have some fun, and create a baby registry for Jordyn! I always said I never would 'register' (not really my style) but I had such fun putting it together --'virtually' shopping for my girl.

It's so easy for this whole process to knock the wind out of you, and suck the joy out of having a new baby. I'm grabbing some of the joy back! I don't really care that it will be at least 2 years until I see Jordyn's beautiful face. I want to do things for her (and me, I guess) and thinking of things that she will need is comforting.

So...for whoever's interested, I've posted the link in the sidebar (although I'm having trouble with it today - I hope I've done it correctly!) Check it out!!

Happy 2007!

A happy new year to all of my friends and family, both 'real' and 'bloggy'. I had been hoping that Jordyn would be coming home to me this year, but it doesn't seem like that's in the cards for me. The best I can hope for, apparently, is that my files go to the review room in 2007. There are so many rumours flying around regarding wait times, the new CCAA changes, etc, that my head is spinning. According to the 'Rumor Queen' website (addictive, but can definitely make you crazy!) is that I might be looking at late 2008 or even 2009. I'm going to speak to my social worker this week to see if there are any other options for me, but I really don't want other options -- my heart is in China with my daughter.